Oh my WORD. I think that in my last review I said it'd take me a couple days to get to chapters 6 and 7. And now it's been a MONTH. So sorry for the delay. Things descended into madness here, but all is well now and I'm eager to read on!
Hurray! Sirius/Regulus development. I really love how much you've been delving into their relationship. I've always thought of the Sirius/Regulus story as a melancholy one, but I've never given much in-depth thought to what their interactions might have looked like until this story. I think you do an excellent job of showing Sirius' struggle to balance his guilt over not being a better brother with the stark fact that being close to Regulus might be an impossibility. Their relationship is, after all, a two-way street.
Sirius' concerted effort to reach out to Regulus is simultaneously sweet and heartbreaking. Heartbreaking, more than anything, because we know their future as a reader. It seems like Sirius' is trying to revive the heartbeat of something that is already fatally wounded.
Omg. Barty and Regulus. Omg, Lucius knows Barty's little secret. Omg, Narcissa is out of sorts and secretive. The plot thickens! I just LOVE how you continue to paint a macabre scene, seamlessly drawing in the other characters with their own vested interests and scandals. I think I've said it before, but your writing reminds me of Agatha Christie in the best possible way. :)
Which leads into my thoughts about plotting & the general aura of mystery. I think you've done a great job in this chapter. The plot doesn't lag, even though not much action occurs, which is primarily due to the intrigue of character development. You continue to keep all characters, even Sirius, enigmatic. I'm still on the edge of my seat, doing guesswork and formulating theories, all of which seem too stupid or ill-formed to mention yet, but the point is that I'm theorizing, and that's just what you want your reader to do when reading a mystery!
I love the exchange between Narcissa and Sirius about killers in the family. Though love seems like the wrong word? Haha. It's important that you bring that fact up since, in the midst of this murder mystery, it's been an unspoken thought until now that there are already confirmed killers amidst them.
Just a wee bit of a typo I caught. Toward the end of the chapter, at Narcissa's line that beings "And as if that's not enough," be sure to end the dialogue tag with a comma, not a period, since Narcissa is continuing a thought, not starting a new one, with "there's that Crouch boy."
Wonderful work in this chapter! I'm still very intrigued and excited to read on through chapter 7.
Author's Response: Hey there! :) Thanks so much for stopping by again - and don't worry about how long it took; I completely understand that sometimes real life takes over! ;)
I'm so glad you like the Sirius/Regulus stuff - I really, really love diving into sibling relationships, and their relationship, to me, is one of the most fascinating ones. It's definitely a very sad story, though. Yeah I wanted to show in this that there isn't a single bad guy in their relationship, or one person who can take all the blame, but I think it's something Sirius is only just starting to realise, and even then, not always.
Yeah, I think the foreknowledge always makes things worse :( It's so bad for both of them, because when you consider what happens to them, they don't even get a chance to try and work things out after the war - it just ends for them. So sad!
Hehe, Barty and Regulus, yes! :P One of my little-loved pairings. I can't help but adore them! :D Lucius knows a secret - question is what is it? ;) And yeah, Narcissa's acting weird - that's one of the good things about Narcissa, it's easy to do that kind of thing with her. Gah, thank you so much - it's amazing to hear that, and I'm so glad you like the characters - I love writing group scenes with them, they're so much fun to do, so it's great to hear you enjoy them too! :)
I'm so happy you think the plot is going well - I know it's something I really struggle with so I'm trying to improve on it. It's actually pretty hard to keep everything inside the characters, while still leaving hints and things - I never know how subtle is too subtle, you know? :P It's such a thin line... aww, no, I'm sure they're not stupid or ill-informed - have a go anyway! I love all theories, however far-fetched you think they are ;)
Haha, I know what you mean, don't worry about it! ;) I really wanted to mention it, since, as you say, it is kinda pertinent to a murder mystery if some of the suspects have killed before. Plus, I wanted to connect to the war in the outside world, too, so that had to go in as a little nod to it :)
Ooh, thank you so much for that! I always miss something every chapter, it seems - thank you for pointing it out! I'll edit that asap! :)
Thank you so so much for the lovely review - I'm just so glad to see you're enjoying this! :)