Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:CambAngst says:
Hi, Beth!

A couple of things to start off. First, I always read other author's responses to my reviews. I love the back-and-forth. Second, I'm really pleased that you're on summer break now, because I'm all out of chapters!

I really liked all of the little dynamics that you worked into the first section talking about the living arrangements and the Fidelius Charm. You managed to say a lot about how different characters (James, Ron, Hermione, Harry) were dealing with the situation without slowing down the story of belaboring the point. Ron sounds like a bit of a schmuck, but hey, Ron can be that way at times.

Nice bit of setup on the three mentees. I thought you used character archetypes effectively in that case to give us an idea of who they are without spending excessive time on minor characters.

Ugh. This isn't a criticism, just a personal preference. It drives me completely crazy when two characters do this dance where they can't get over their insecurities or misconceptions and therefore it takes ages and ages for them to get together even though they're mad for one another. After I got past the sort of opening section of this chapter, I really thought you were about to take us on a multi-chapter (mis)adventure where Scorpius and Rose would continue to agonize over the proverbial daisy petals. (He loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, he loves me not, etc.) Instead, you pretty much wrapped it up in one chapter. I applaud you for this in the strongest possible terms!

Holy crap, Scorpius is such a dunderhead at times! “You smell good,” I commented when I could detect the scent of lavender wafting off her locks. Did that sound weird? I don’t want her to think I’m some sort of a creep. For god's sake, man, that's pretty much the opposite of creepy! Somebody get these two some cocktails to break the ice!

I like Rose's therapist. She seems to really know what she's doing. In this intense game of progress and regression that Rose is playing, it's nice for her to have some good allies.

“Skurmis hi yow narken?” -- I think this is my favorite dialog I've read in an HP fan fic story this year so far. ;)

I love the constant way that Dominique pushes Rose toward doing what Rose really wants to do but can't quite admit to herself. At the same time, I have to nit-pick you a bit for her dialog being a bit stiff. To wit, "It is all coming clearer now.” and "Rose, it is blatant that you are hot for Scorpius!" In both cases, I think "it's" would have sounded more natural.

“Hie down yum wammy mummer?” -- This chapter just keeps on giving!

So part of me is kind of disappointed that their "big moment" didn't quite make it all the way to second base and part of me thinks that the pause was actually healthy for their relationship.

Now this healing talent of Scorpius's was interesting. So it comes from his mother's side and he's saying it isn't dark magic. It sounds like a very good thing. And because I read a lot of mystery stories and I'm kind of suspicious to begin with, it makes me wonder. I'm still trying to tie everything back to our boy Stannous who might or might not be a Lestrange.

All in all, a very enjoyable chapter! I love the fact that they've overcome this bump in their path and they're once again communicating with one another. I love that Rose is still getting a little better every day and that Scorpius is a big part of that for her. I don't know what other hiccups you have in the works, but it's nice to feel like they'll confront them together. Til next time!

Author's Response: Hi!

Sorry you are at the last posted chapter! I will do my best to keep it updated.

I'm glad that you liked the pace of the first part. I had a lot of details to fit in there and I'm glad it didn't play out as tedious. Ron is... a protective father who can't really see his little Rosie as a grown woman. She knows this and it can get tiring at times, but she loves him just the same and wants to protect him from her secret because she knows how much it will hurt him.

I agree about the super annoying dance between two people who can't get out of their own way. I wrote this story with the intention of writing a novel where Rose and Scorpius are together in a solid relationship and they have to rely on each other to get through other hardships. Unfortunately, the story kind of took its own path and this was my compromise. There is no way I could write a fic where they are together one chapter, then broken up the next, then together...

That being said, I can't promise that there won't be a few bumps a long the way!

I was particularly proud of Rose's yammerings around Scorpius. They were really fun to come up with.

I will fix those two lines. Dialogue is still a weak point for me.

As far as the "big moment" goes, there are two reasons for it being rather tame. First off, I am fairly unsure when it comes to writing love scenes. I feel like mine all come across as contrived. Secondly, in the first version of this (I actually had about 13 chapters posted and I took down all but three of them to change some major plot points), I had a much more intense reconciliation that got rejected, so I'm erring on the side of caution.

Not everything ties back to Stannous, but he is a pretty evil dude, so I can see where you are coming from.

So, of COURSE there are a few hiccups in the works, and Rose is far from better. Next chapter is in the queue!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 783
Submit Report: