Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:TidalDragon says:
Okay!

So what I think is actually one of the best things you can do for a Draco/Hermione story is what you apologized for in your Author's Note. It's completely fine that there is no interaction between Draco and Hermione in chapters. I think it's very important because if you're going to make the development of that eventual endgame believable that each need time to confront issues of their own and grow to the point where a relationship between them could possibly become believable. Do NOT apologize for this, even implicitly, and I'd recommend thinking about how you could intersperse it MORE.

We got more of Astoria here. I found her rather immature honestly, but perhaps that's how she is. She's younger than the rest of the canon characters so it's certainly conceivable. My real beef with her is she's rather hot-cold. You portray her initially as unrepentant about what happened in the war, but then the sudden death of Pansy suddenly gives her perspective on the war? This seems very surprising.

As far as the...passionate scene goes, I think you need to be more detailed and patient or perhaps just treat it obliquely. I'm not going to pretend that I've written loads of these scenes (I've written one), but I think if you're going to address it, it needs to be a big deal and be handled incredibly realistically or it needs to be a situation where you have them start snogging, then line break, and it's later and they're having the conversation in bed. You seemed to be in two minds in writing the scene - tentative about the subject area and afraid of crossing the line, but still wanting to have the scene. This is just my opinion, but I think with scenes like that there's just no middle ground to be found, so that's something to think about.

Kingsley's casual appearance and demeanor in the chapter seemed a bit surprising to me as well, but that was a minor point.

Keep on keeping on, and PM me if you have any questions. While I won't pretend I'm some wizard with passionate scenes, I'd be happy to let you know where you can find the scene I wrote on the archives and at least see what you think. Maybe it would be helpful, maybe not.

Author's Response: Thanks for another awesome review!! :)

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 355
Submit Report: