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Review:TidalDragon says:
Hello again! Dropping by to fill this before I get caught up in the House Cup! I wouldn't want you to be my first broken deadline promise...

Jumping right in, I'm not sure whether or not you've done any editing of earlier chapters to make it mesh at all, but I think your decision to walk back some of the Draco/Hermione feelings is a wise one. You didn't accomplish it completely with Draco now checking out Hermione, but that rang more believable than previous instances of possible attraction between them.

The one thing that rang the most off to me in terms of characterization was Hermione sharing details of she and Ron's issues with Draco. Even in an emotionally-fragile state, this seems incredibly unlikely. I think it's made even more unlikely by the context in which it happens. Draco and Ron were just sniping at each other again, and whatever Hermione's anger toward Ron, I find it doubtful she would give a person who she recognizes is going to be a lifelong enemy potentially damaging information about him. The sniping was nice though - I definitely see that part happening between Ron and Draco.

Going forward, I think the biggest thing to continue to look at is dialogue. I think Ron's was relatively sound because he does tend to speak more plainly and certainly (among these three anyway) is the least mature. While you did a good job of making Hermione speak a bit more formally, I would look for ways to better convey the tone and mood in her speech itself. When she is hesitant for example ellipses (...) are a good choice to intersperse or end on, with Ron perhaps picking up on a sentence ended that way to resume arguing his case. When she is sarcastic or firm, don't be afraid of using italics to emphasize that. Generally speaking, I'd also look to match the word choice to the depth of the situation being addressed. Despite Ron's immaturity and plain manner, I think he's likely to be much more considered with what he says and does while trying to get back in Hermione's good graces and I think she's going to be incredibly measured with her speech around him. With Draco, I'd resist the urge to have him always be snarky. Though it's often his default in canon, if you're going to really portray him as changed or reformed, you might begin introducing non-verbal resistance on occasion. This is something you can increase as the story progresses until you decide the time is ripe to then have him actually "thaw" (if that's what you have in mind for his character) and it will read as a consistent progression over the course of the story.

On to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hi again Kevin,
Thanks so much once again for an amazing review. I love your reviews!!
Thank you for the CC and advice as well I will def make some changes.
-Lindsey


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