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Review:marauderfan says:
Hello! I'm here with your requested review!

Oh no! Lavender is nothing but trouble. And Ron, oh he doesn't know when to shut up, does he? I laughed so hard when Ginny hit Ron in the face with a fish. Best scene in the chapter. :D

Honestly, I'm kind of annoyed at both Ron and Hermione! Mostly Ron for not knowing how to tell Lavender to cut it out (...again.. repeat of 6th year. ugh Ron) but also with Hermione for overreacting and dropping an ultimatum on him, she seemed very controlling over Ron being friends with an ex. But yeah, I do feel more sympathy for Hermione because her career is important to her, and because of the way Ron was trying to defend himself. Saying Lavender is 'just' a crush? *facepalm* Derp. What a mess.

Your characterisation of Ginny is good, I can easily believe that she'd be on Hermione's side in all this and blame Ron for being stupid. And apart from one bit in which Harry sneers angrily at Ron, I think he was pretty well written too, trying not to say anything too strong that will get either of his best friends angry at him.

Here's the thing, though. I feel like the reasons for Ron and Hermione's breakup could have been elaborated a bit more. I mean, I get that it was because of Lavender, but you have these two paragraphs of Hermione's thoughts while she's filling the bathtub, which add a whole new layer to it. I think you could expand a lot more on that, how Ron didn't mind writing to an old girlfriend because his current girlfriend was always at work with these long hours, etc, it could have been built up more perhaps prior to their argument. As is, it kind of seems like an afterthought when I think it is some of the strongest material in there and reminds the reader that it's not only because of Lavender that this relationship is failing. Does that make sense? :-/ I think those are two really wonderful paragraphs that were glossed over, and expanding on it would make the story more believable.

And Malfoy appears! Honestly this scene was so well written. It was uncomfortable and awkward, exactly how a first meeting with post-prison Malfoy and heartbroken Hermione would be. He's not nice or instantly reformed, and she doesn't want to see him. Its great because Dramione is a romance that I think has to be built slowly, and this is starting from square one: no romance or even hints of it yet. So that felt quite realistic.

I spotted a small continuity error.. Tom says to Malfoy that he won't tolerate Malfoy stumbling out drunk again, but then later Malfoy says he just got out of Azkaban that day. So either Tom has a really excellent memory recalling Malfoy leaving drunk a good number of years ago, or Malfoy has been in the pub all day and just left and came back or something. :p I would revise one of those sections to clear it up ;)

All in all this was a good chapter! Nice work on it :D

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks so much for the review and I hope you come back for more! I will revise some things;) please come back and read on ;)

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