Hey Rose! I thought about reading/reviewing the second chapter of True Romance, but when I saw you had this up, I decided to come here instead :)
So I'm not a real huge fan of Sirius/Lily, in the sense that I don't think they're right for each other, but I love here how you wrote it as a kind of secret, half-romance type thing, where they skulked around and no one knew and Sirius was sort of selfish about the whole thing, and knew that it was never going to last, and almost didn't want it to last, to a certain extent. Something like this, to me, is incredibly believable - more so than any other way of portraying it.
I loved Lily and Sirius, as well. The way you showed them as people who needed each other, having this amazing, intense kind of fling, almost. It was such a lovely way to show different sides to them - Sirius' selfishness that he'll go after Lily because he wants/needs her, and he doesn't care that James likes her, and Lily that she's almost naive in trusting Sirius to tell her the truth about James and that he'd be okay with it, and then going along with the secrecy and the romance, almost like she always knew James wouldn't, but again, didn't care. It's such a refreshing way to show them both, and one which feels so real, you know?
Just should mention that you missed you a few words here and there - you might want to read through it (read backwards or something?) and look out for them ;) There aren't enough to stop the flow or make anything weird, but I thought I'd mention it anyway!
Your writing in this was lovely, too! The second person felt so natural to Sirius, so appropriate for him with that detached kind of feeling but a bit more intimate than third, and it never felt out of place or strange. The descriptions in this were wonderful too - I particularly liked your descriptions of Lily in the desk, because they were just gorgeous.
This is really, really lovely and I'm so amazed this is so great, despite being so short. It's just gorgeous! I'm so glad I got a chance to read it! :)
Author's Response: Hi Aph!!
I'm not a hardcore Sirius/Lily shipper. I mean, part of me ships anything and everything because that's always a fun challenge to make two people float. I couldn't see them having an above board relationship. The furtive nature of what they shared here is the most i could see them having.
:D It's really great that you liked the side of Sirius and Lily I showed here. I don't buy that Lily was as perfect as she's usually portrayed. Sirius was probably struggling after leaving his parents and having something darker emergen in his personality.
Oh, thanks for mentioning the typos and stuf. I wrote this in just a few hours and didn't really check it over. :-/
I'm happy that my writing and descriptions were decent in this. Using 2nd person was more of a challenge/new thing for me to try out. I am glad that it also enhanced the mood of the story. Describing Lily in this was kind of fun. I thought I stepped into some corny descriptions but I guess those work in moderation.
Thank you so much for wonderful review!!