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Review:Ericfmc says:
Intriguing start, I certainly want to read on. You create an interesting situation and gives us a good feel for Aurelie's character.

I would like to have been told Aurelie's age early; It is difficult to know how to respond to the scene without this. Are they 17 or 14? There are many ways you could easily slip it in: Tell us what year she was in at Beaubaxtons, say that her mother taught her the 'capilluminate' spell on her sixteenth birthday.

A few quibbles:

- Hogwarts is in Scotland, not England

- You don't need to tell us she is French. Opening with "Being French" weakens the important first sentence. Simply add " in Provence" to the end of "...on the porch of their countryside farmhouse".

- As Aurelie has apparently just arrived at Hogwarts, she doesn't have a room and, unless things have changed dramatically at Hogwarts, the boys cannot get into the girl's dorm.

I don't know where you are heading with this story but the last line feels all wrong. It would seem more in keeping with rest of the piece if she whispered (loudly enough so James' friends could overhear ) a clever putdown/taunt and then walked away leaving James flushing.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! This is my first ever story so hopefully as more characters are introduced, the story will work its way out!

For my first review, it has given me lots to reconsider and think about!

I am very grateful.


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