Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:SeverusLove says:
Hey there! Review exchange person who's really delayed here. :'D

First of all, I'm really sorry about the delay asdfghhjkl like how did May come and go so quickly anyway?

Second, I confess, I've actually read this oneshot before it was assigned to me. Like, I don't know how, but I think I've seen a status about it on the forums or something and went to check it out? :P

I love your ability with description, weaving words that flow together and are easy to comprehend like "The iron gates of the Manor encroached upon him, looming out of the grey mist." This is quite the twist story, tbh. I'm not sure on whether I like it or not, just mainly surprised and absorbing the newness of it, though I do believe it was writ well.

A note, however, is that I would have wanted to see more of a build-up to the fury Draco displays in the story. I don't immediately get the characterisation of Draco wanting to leave, if anything I'd think that after the war, he'd need the support of his family more than anything. It might be better to backtrack a bit and let us in on his thoughts and when he actually started to think of Harry as 'kind and brave and more deserving of life' than the two people he loved more than anything leading up to the hate he portrays on them here. Maybe that's just me, though, since I've always thought of the Malfoys as family-oriented despite their blatant flaws so this came off as a bit sudden and a surprise. So yeah, a build-up might help us understand the change of heart.

The tone and pace was a tad fast, but steady throughout the chapter and they flowed rather well together. I think your grammar and sentence structure is really good, but there's this quickie in the second to the last paragraph where the phrase "he marched up to the aobbing boy's bedroom" is used. I'd assume maybe that was meant as 'sobbing' or something else? :3

I'd love to see more from you, keep writing, yeah?

Hearts,
Sevvy

Author's Response: Ahaha, I know what you mean. Time really does fly sometimes :) Interesting to see you've read it before - this piece doesn't have many reads, so it's nice to know you were one of the few!
Thanks! My description has always been probably the strongest point in my writing, and I don't really know why. In real life I can never do it - my sentences a;ways end up as, "You know Bob - the one with the.. glasses... hair... eyes... ehhh." Ah well, the world moves in mysterious ways, does it not?
This idea of Draco has always been a but 'Marmite', in my opinion (i.e. you either love it or just don't), but it does come as a new idea to lots of people. In my opinion, Draco was never really evil - he just looked up to his father a LOT, and wanted to follow in his footsteps, then later in life was forced to even though I believe he really didn't want to. To me it seems logical that Draco, without the threat of the Dark Lord hanging over them, would probably rebel and leave, and be incredibly angry at his father for putting him through all that. That's just my opinion, though, so if you don't think so that's fine too ;)
I see your point about there not being much stimulus for the sudden anger - I'll have a look at that and maybe tweak it a bit, because I do think you make a good point.
Ooh, yeah, that was meant to be 'sobbing' - sorry if that confused you, but I'll try and remember to change that when I can get onto the other computer!

Thanks for the review!
awesomepotter xxx


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 355
Submit Report: