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Review:DarknessIsMyOnlyFriend says:
So far, I think you are doing Hermione justice. She would not make a scene, but calmly placing his hand back is in character.
Although her talk(s) with Mclaggen seemed a bit much, I think. I always viewed her as more subtle. Until she is pushed too far of course. However, in this case it seemed too soon for that. I see her more as subtle, as in the first moment with his hand, instead of aggressive. That is of course, my interpretation.

Also it was bit confusing...she left the party to go to the library. And than wished for the party to be over soon? Also, she brought a bag filled with homework to the party? Or was she having dinner in the great hall.not at the party? That part wasn't all clear for me.
Since the party was going to be that night.and then suddenly everyone was out of the common room, Neville was sleeping on his book. And the party still had to happen.

I think the storyidea is good. But some parts are a little confusing in my opinion.

Author's Response: Well you would not be wrong in how my characterization of her kind of slips out of what I typically write her as, I thank you for pointing out where my discrepancies lie. I agree that she is more of a subtle person, so I'll tone down her conversations with McLaggen some and make them more maturely handled.

Yeah the party scene got all jumbled in my head and then I realized my total word vomit in the chapter after I had posted it at around 1 am. Needless to say, I am very embarrassed of that catastrophe of a timeline and will definitely be fixing it! I think I'm planning on the party being in about a week or so, just to make Hermione's agreeing to go with Cormac really seem last minute.

Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews, I'll definitely come back to you again! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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