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Review:ohmymerlin says:
Hey, Kinnu! Long time no speak! How have you been?!

Okay, I'm here to review not chat! :P

So, the flow is good! I think you're really good with that and that doesn't really need to be a concern. I did get a bit confused at some points of the story but that's because it's 1.54 am where I am so my brain is kind of just like gufiedhjkvfehbdkcdjhbckbvbdnnsk

Anyway, the flow is good!

I noticed a couple of errors, however. They're just simple errors though, nothing too hardcore, haha!

You know how mum can be

Mum should have a capital M ;)

"You didn't have to--"was barely out of his mouth as Molly gave him a bone-crushing hug

This should just have a space after the quote mark like so: "You didn't have too--" was barely...

Also, the last P.S. should be P.P.S not P.S.S ;)

And can I ask why half of your chapter is in italics? It makes it feel like it's a flashback but it's clearly in the present so it gets a little confusing!

Okay, so have you made Dominique as a boy? Because you wrote Harry spun him around but when I first read it I thought you meant Dominique spun Harry around and I was like ??? :P You might just want to clarify that! ;)

Also when James said he wanted to 'meet' everyone, it kind of sounds like he's seeing them for the first time. Maybe try 'meet up' or 'see' or something along those lines.

Your characterisations seem good as well! Although, I felt like Ginny was a bit too intense and crazy for normal canon. Like I really doubt she'd send Ron a Bat-Bogey hex for making that silly comment, you know? But that's just my opinion! :)

Your descriptions are good! But maybe describe Harry's emotions a little more? There were some really good moments -- when he was looking at the photo but I really felt like most of the chapter should have a bit more emotions in it. It was very descriptive (I LOVED how you had the Burrow being in a explosion when they got there :P) in scenery-wise but not in emotions so maybe try to work on that?

But other than that, it was a great chapter! I especially loved the cliffhanger at the end!

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for your review!

Yes, it's been a long time...I had finals for a while and was not on the forums. I'm back now! (Well, mostly.)

I'm glad the flow turned out right... And I'll correct the errors and the italics. Thanks for mentioning them! I'm not quite sure why I put them in italics, so.. I'll change it. It wasn't a flashback though.

I wasn't going by Canon in terms of kids. It's all my imagination and EWE?. About the Dominique lifting Harry part...*slapping my forehead*

i imagine Ginny to be a little crazier than Canon. In the books, my idea is that she doesn't get a chance to be as crazy as she wants to be. Hence her intensity! Thanks for your opinion though.

I'm so happy you liked the descriptions! It's the major thing I'm looking to improve on. I'm going to try and do better!

The cliffhanger's my favourite! The next chapter's coming up as soon as I can beta it...

Thanks for the amazing review!
Kinnu


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