Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:ohmymerlin says:
Hey there! I'm here from my review thread! :)

Okay, so first of all -- it's kind of interesting how Harry was able to resurrect Lily. It's a bit unrealistic but I can roll with it.

Also, I like how you've still made Severus very selfish. Even though this story and the Harry Potter novels are completely different, I like how you've still kept the same characteristics of Severus!

I only noticed one tiny little typo and here it is:

"You're not really going to?: Snape asked as the old man set the baby at the foot of his feet.

It should have a " after 'to?' instead of a :

But other than that, your grammar and spelling had no other errors! It's definitely a relief when the story has little/no errors! :)

Although, I felt like Harry was speaking too old for his age. Especially when he was a baby. Babies tend to not speak sternly at one. They just kind of babble words -- you can tell when they're in a bad mood of course but they don't really have a 'tone'.

Also when he was three he was speaking very old for his age. I don't think he wouldn't say he wasn't allowed to touch the wand but maybe it would be, "No! You said I can't touch it!" or "Mummy said I wasn't to touch!" Children speak /very/ simply so I'd definitely look up the way they speak and maybe fix it up a little?

But other than that, I think you've done a great job! You've written this opening chapter very well and it definitely pulls readers in to read the rest of the story and see why Harry could bring Lily back to life.

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for your review, I will see how if I can make Harry's speech a bit more babyish. Although, I did consider him pretty mature. :)

Your review was awesome and very helpful!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 146
Submit Report: