Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:TidalDragon says:
Howdy! Dropping by to surprise you with a review since you've been such a dedicated reader of my story!

First, I'll start from your A/N. I definitely thought for a prologue that the chapter was a fine length. You're really just introducing your MC (and I'm assuming Lily will be another important character in the story) and giving us a foundation for them. So far you did a good job of that with Violet - we see that she's genuine, caring, notices details, can spot a lie, and possibly has a bit of a problem making friends (since she'd been lonely and hadn't talked to Lily before).

What sounds interesting to me is the structure you've laid out. I don't think I've ever read a fic that starts in the middle like this. It's an interesting approach and while I know you said you wanted to start with the budding friendship because that's when life gets better, I'm wondering why you want to then jump back before going forward?

At any rate, the two biggest things I noticed in your writing were capitalization and dialogue. Be careful with capitalization. Though your story actually has a solid level of detail and description and is very balanced in terms of description and inner thought vs. dialogue, lack of capitalization is going to jump out at people and they might miss out on those positive elements because they're distracted by that.

As far as the dialogue goes, I would just be careful to make the characters differentiable. While sometimes situations naturally occur where characters are going to "sound the same" because a topic isn't in someone's wheelhouse or doesn't inspire much of a reaction from anyone, you definitely want your characters to have their own unique speech patterns and language. This doesn't mean they have to be wildly different, but just little things. For example, perhaps shy Violet pauses more when speaking than confident Lily. Just a thought.

Overall, I thought it was a solid start. When you go forward, maybe bulk up the description of settings and use some stronger, more evocative language to set the tone of scenes and interaction, but you're at least off on the right foot I think as far as balance, characterization, and content go.

Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response: First,I wanna thank you so much for reading my Prologue and reviewing! This means so much to me that I'm at the brink of hyperventilation!
As far as the reason why I structured the story this way I'm not quite sure, haha. I got the idea from a current book that I am reading. The author started her books' prologue in the middle of the story and I really liked it.
Also, about the capitalization errors, I did actually notice them and I've just been trying to find time to go back and fix them.
On your advice about the dialogue, was there a specific place where you felt the dialogue was the same? And how would I go about displaying 'Violets' pause'?
Again thank you so much for your advice and your kind words on my main character, it truly means the world to me seeing how I am still in High School and to be getting good feedback on my first fiction is the cherry-on-top! I hope you stick around to see what else I have in store. You definitely will be seeing me on your Evolution story, and I hope that my story will be good as yours.
Thankyou for your time!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 444
Submit Report: