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Review:Akussa says:
Hello! I'm here for the Gryffie review exchange!

This is an interesting opening chapter. I like the narative and the way it happens through action (mostly). So far though, I feel very overwhelmed. There are so many characters. Alyssa is interesting and all but she is way too surrounded for my tired mind right now! I had to re-read some parts because I had no idea who was in the scene and who wasn't... There are a bunch of little characters that probably are important to the story at some point but aren't essential to the opening chapter (Katrin, Caine, Carrie, Shaun...). That's my opinion though, you aren't obligated to listen to me :D

I noticed a couple little things grammar or rather typo wise :

"...I muttered knowing that I didn't mean it, as I looking through the cupboards for paracetamol..."; 'looking' should be 'looked'

"... keeps setting me up on dates with weirdo's..."; the appostrophe after 'weirdo' isn't needed

"..."Is it okay if get Hayden's carseat?"..."; who's getting the carseat? 'I' 'we'?


There were a couple other things but these were the major ones I noted. It's got potential so far and I'll be interested in knowing how these characters develop. Albus seems like a good guy and I think their mums will be pretty happy about all of this turn out!!!

Good beginning, keep it up!

Akussa

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you! Introducing characters is the bane of my life, I hate it. I think I either introduce a few or way too many, so you're probably right about it being confusing. Alyssa has a very busy home life with all her siblings. Thank you for pointing those out, they're all edited and it's now back in the queue :)

Albus is a good guy despite Alyssa's thoughts/opinion and their mums will be happy in the end, for certain reasons as well.

Thanks for reading, reviewing and the tips.
-Potterfan310


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