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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hi, here to review your entry for the challenge and sorry for keeping you waiting, exams have taken over everything!

This was such an interesting approach to Fred and Georgeís relationship. I really loved how you tied it in with canon events because it made looking over them so much more solemn and really helped me understand them from Fredís perspective a little more. Another thing I thought was really interesting was how he regretted setting eyes on Harry because that meant he didnít have his brother, and that twist in their relationship was really interesting as Iíve never really seen anything like it before, and I always love it when someone does a fresh take on someoneís characterisation.

Your overall stylistic choices really helped with the overall mood of the story. The narration just created this detached air to the story and really helped us understand how lost Fred was without Fred, because that detachment was where George was meant to come butting into the conversation and say something witty. The small, blunt sentences just showed how bleak Fredís life was without him, and I loved the way you used italics to really show how much he missed George, and it was a nice touch.

The ending was great because I honestly had no idea it was Fred speaking until I reached the final line and it was just like plot twist, because you would naturally assume it was George, so I liked the way you tricked us there. Itís always fun to get an afterlife perspective and I definitely enjoyed it here. Ooh, one more thing I meant to say was congratulations for including so much in such a short story, you definitely couldnít tell it was 500 words, so congrats!

One tiny thing I might suggest is perhaps going back and making the gaps between the paragraphs smaller so the flowís better and itís easier to read. I find using the simple editor is good for this, because sometime when you use the advanced editor, it messes up the formatting whereas that doesnít happen with the simple editor, but this was a great entry and thanks for writing one!


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