Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I really enjoy stories where the Malfoys or other prominent Death Eaters are finally forced to get a grip, so to speak. Lucius is a less common choice for the main character than Draco or Narcissa, but that made it all the more interesting for me. He was such a broken man by the start of Deathly Hallows, resigned to his station near the bottom of the Death Eater totem pole. I can see a lot of that in this story, even though he's struggling mightily to keep up that carefully crafted Malfoy facade.

You did a nice job with the storytelling technique, switching back and forth between current events and recollections of the past. The specific flashbacks you chose added to the heavy sense of regret that permeates Lucius's thoughts in the present time. We see him bringing Draco along, grooming him for the role he's expected to play and the station he's expected to attain after the Dark Lord takes over the world. Juxtaposing that with the humiliation he suffers made for a great contrast.

It was interesting to see Lucius being so honest with himself. It's a capacity that you were never sure that he had while reading the books because you were never inside his head and he certainly wasn't going to publicly let on to his doubts and insecurities. I thought you did a good job of writing him and balancing his private thoughts with the front he presents to the world.

I saw a couple of things that might be typos as I was reading:

There had been a time when the fear my word struck into their heartís was second only to that caused by the Dark Lord himself. -- their hearts

Surrounded by bloodthirsty fools who had served the Dark Lord for far less time and far less effectively but now stood above him, the photographs mocked me. -- but now stood above me?

Otherwise, you did a great job with this. Good luck in your challenge!

Author's Response: Hello again!

I'm glad you liked the story and enjoyed the choice of Lucius. The minute I got the quote, for some reason he was the character I instantly thought of, so I went with it. The mix of resignation, regret, and his compulsion to keep up appearances was definitely what I was going for so I'm glad it came through.

I'm also glad you liked the switching back and forth. It's the first time I've done it and honestly I wasn't particularly sure about it, especially given that I was wrestling with whether I was getting Lucius right throughout.

For me, with Lucius, I think by this point he couldn't avoid being honest with himself, but that we didn't see it because he was still unprepared to be honest with anyone else, even his wife and son about the depth of his fall from grace. Obviously they feel it and understand it in their own way, but I think he would be too proud to admit it to them. I wanted him to be just slightly beyond the point where he had accepted it himself, so hopefully I got there.

As for the typos, you got me. Normally I am done well in advance of the challenge deadline, but I had to rush a bit to finish this one and so I've wound up with that dastardly apostrophe and horrific break in first-person - UGH.

But I'm glad you liked it anyway! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 405
Submit Report: