Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.





Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Miss Undaztood Black says:
Your requested review :)

I'll review this chapter and 4, if that's alright (although you'll possibly get small reviews on Chapter 2 and 3 if I like them!).

I'm always dubious about stories that have HP fans going into the HP world, but you've set it up really well. You're really good at picking out small descriptive details to describe a scene so that the reader knows what the rest of the room is like without you having to spend paragraphs describing it and losing the flow.

Immediately, you've set out a character that's flawed, in that she's annoyed a classmate and ditched her friend to read fanfiction (I'm guessing she's not a people person? :P) but one the majority of us can relate with, who's likeable.

The only thing I would suggest at this stage to improve your writing is to be careful of over-description. Take this sentence for example: "creating long curls before letting it go and spring right back to its slight wavy-ness." There are a lot of adjectives and adverbs that can make it a little harder to understand, and the image you're trying to create could be done in a lot fewer words.

That's it for now, but I'm looking forward to reading the rest!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing!! Haha, yes, G is not the biggest people person. She is a little bit of an introvert probably. I'll look back and keep that CC in mind. Thanks for telling me! Thanks again for the review!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 568
Submit Report: