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Review:marauderfan says:
Hi there! I'm here for your requested review!

Wow, I really like the premise of this fic, it's very unusual and original, everything from the setting to the characters.

I know you didn't say anything about description in your areas of concern, but I just wanted to point them out. Your descriptions of Egypt, settings and clothing and everything, are very detailed. I love that you covered more than just the visual sense - you included how hot it is, the sound of the gold dropping, so it's very easy to imagine the scene in my mind and feel like I'm there. Nice job.

You asked about the plot, and I think it seems great so far. I like the originality of it, and the as yet unnamed gypsy OC is really interesting. I like her, even though she stole all of Albus' money and isn't actually that nice - I think she'll be a great character! The scene at the end when she sees (I'm assuming) herself in the crystal ball made me think of this 60's song "Fortune Teller" where the singer ends up falling in love with a manipulative fortune teller :P sorry, off topic. I am eager to see how things develop between the gypsy girl and Albus though!

There are a few places that had slightly odd word choice. Here: Albus felt himself already getting burnt with red -- Red isn't something that burns you - I think just the order is weird here. Maybe if you just rephrased it, like "Albus could already feel his skin prickling with a red burn."

And here: He pushed the curtain of the purple tent, embezzled in gold -- Embezzling is acquiring funds by means of fraud, which I don't think is what you mean here as you are describing a tent. Perhaps you could say "adorned in gold"?

also, "templates" should be "temples".

One thing I was thinking about in all the discussion of money... In the Muggle world at least, Egypt and the UK use different currency, so I was a little surprised that wizards use Galleons in Egypt rather than something else. Anyway, just something I happened to think about. Of course, it's totally possible that wizards everywhere use the same currency - I don't believe there's anything about it in canon so you really can do what you want here.

I hope this review is helpful! This is a great start here, nice work. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! ^__^ Your reivew is extremely helpful. I am super happy that my details of the scene is on point. And the plot. I was really iffy about the plot, but your opinion gave me confidence. And no it's not going off topic, I actually just listened to the song now =D And you are right, she did see herself so I am glad that is clear as well. And thank you for pointing out the weird choice of words and the mistake I made. I will edit it now, thanks to you and now I have an idea of things to look out for. Yes, you are right, but I kept the wizarding money b/c I figured the wizarding community might be a lot more connected than the rest of us and it is also a smaller community. Thanks so so so much for R&R! You were incredibly helpful!

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