Kristin. I can't. I can't even deal with this. IT'S TOO FUNNY. (Which reminds me: CONGRATULATIONS ON WINNING THE KECKER FOR BEST QUOTE! So well-deserved! Between this story and Death Eater's Kitchen, there are so many quotable moments - many of which I'm sure to share below in a minute - that it's no surprise at all you took it! Gilderoy is not the only one who's marvelous! ;))
This particular brand of humor is just so right up my alley. I can't decide if it's a parody or not, because in most cases it would be, except for Gilderoy Lockhart is sort of a one-man parody himself, so perhaps it's just him that's so parody-like, while the writing is really just an honest portrayal of a parodical character? *head explodes*
Does any of that even matter, though? No. Because whatever the case may be, THIS STORY IS BRILLIANT.
Warning: I will try to use restraint, but it's possible that what follows will be nothing more than an onslaught of me quoting you.
OMG THIS: "Wilhelm Wigworthy is Head Boy. I really don't understand why; he is intelligent of course, but his eyebrows connect in the middle." - hahaha It's so very much who Gilderoy Lockhart is at the core of his being, to judge a persons worth by the space between their eyebrows. And what follows, with the acne cream suggestions... Omg, I can't. What I love about this is that it's so, so funny, and it's also so, so terribly true of his character! hahaha He's such a back-handed piece of work! Like, he's the type of person who can only dole out a compliment or a bit of advice if it's tacked onto something negative about that same person! "I would love to help you with your issue, because your issue is gross and I'm a nice person." hahaha What a tool... Makes for a great read, though. ;)
Love the scene with James and Sirius! Of course, Lockhart gets the spell wrong, and poor James gets turned into a half-fish! hehehe I think you were really clever, too, about how you worked in little canon details about the two of them, so that they didn't feel interchangeable with any other other pair of guys sparring in the corridor. And ZOMG, I just lerv the excuses Lockhart makes for himself as to why things don't go quite as planned, or as to why the younger kids don't respect him and call him a git, and why he's not Head Boy, etc. He's so... so... just... stupid, really! How'd someone so delusional get sorted into Ravenclaw?? LOL What's funny is that's there's something sadly charming about his naivety - almost like a lost little puppy with its head stuck in a box - you just sort of want to pet them for being so adorably dumb... hehehe
Between the winking and the smiling that goes on throughout this entire story, I just... I can't, I can't. He's so... Kristen, how did you handle writing this? hahaha He's so... ugh! There aren't words. Let's move past it. :-p
SOMEONE REMOVE ALL REFLECTIVE SURFACES FROM VIEW, FOR GOD'S SAKE!
"My dearest ambition is to sell these potions someday, and while I'm promoting my hair potions I'll create peace and cooperation between all magical folk just through mutual appreciation of my hair-care potions." - Ahahaha! And it all comes together. He will save the world... through pretty hair. Brilliant.
"It must be dreadful to not have people be jealous of you all the time. I wouldn't know." - Bahaha *wipes tears* I'm doing terribly at this whole over-quoting thing, aren't I? BUT IT'S JUST SO QUOTABLE! Your sense of humor and your comedic timing and the way each joke lands so perfectly has me laughing throughout this entire story. I don't think a lot of people could write this brand of humor well, so it really speaks a lot to your level of talent in all things quirky and bizarre that you were able to craft such a fabulous fic with such an outrageous character! What goes on in that mind of yours, I ask? :-p
The way it ends... Omg. hahaha I just adore the way you're able to touch on so many aspects of his character, including his habit of stretching the truth or flat out lying to make himself seem better than he actually is! And the reference to 'Holidays with Hags' is a perfect conclusion. I love when those tiny details from canon pop up in a fanfic! ^.^
Kristen, I... just... he's just such... he's such a buffoon! LOL But YOU! You are absolutely wonderful. You wrote him phenomenally. Like, I can't even wrap my head around how fantastic this is. I can't imagine a better, funnier, or more accurate representation of Gilderoy Lockhart anywhere else. He's so spot on that it almost makes me sad that a character so out of touch with reality exists. But mostly it just makes me laugh non-stop. :-p
Brilliance, my friend. That is all.
Author's Response: Tanya! I can't even with this review. IT'S TOO NICE! I seriously don't know how to respond to it without simply fangirling about your review and about how amazing you are.
Bahhh thank you so much! I was so surprised - and congrats to you too on your Keckers awards, so well deserved!!
You know, I've never really thought of this one as a parody - I think it's more that Lockhart IS a parody. I have no idea either :P Oh no, your head can't explode, you need your head so you can write chapter 5 of Lying Josephine which I love! ;)
I love your comparison of Lockhart to a lost puppy, I find it a very apt description in fact. Honestly, I put him in Ravenclaw because he didn't fit into the other houses :p and he had to be at least mildly intelligent to invent hair potions, and use all those obliviating spells on people years later.
Gah, thank you so much! I'm so glad you like my (bizarre) sense of humour and that you think Lockhart is in character! What does go on in my mind? Well, in real life I'm extremely narcissistic and spend all day lying about myself to sound cooler, so it wasn't too much of a stretch to write this. :P Joking, but really I have no idea. I was just having fun writing something silly, and then it turned out that people liked it!
Thank you sooo sosososo much for this review, I am seriously so flattered reading your compliments!! Especially since I admire your writing a lot and then to get this review from you I kind of became a Victorian lady and had to fan myself and sit down because I was hyperventilating. :P But you really did make my day with this review! Thank you!!! ♥ ♥ ♥