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Review:LavenderBlue says:
Hello! LavenderBlue here with your requested review.

I love a good NextGen fic, and your story is no exception! I was especially eager to read a story centering around Dominque. I think she so often gets overlooked, and yet there's a wealth of potential for her character, much of which you've tapped into. :] Below, you'll find my thoughts on the first five chapters.

Plot. You start out with a FANTASTIC hook. Lycanthropy is such a multifaceted, emotion-packed subject, and it has special relevance to Dominique since, as you point out, both her father and boyfriend were in some way affected by it. Dom's inability to conceive is also a compelling plot point, but the most stunning of all is the apparent conspiracy by the Daily Prophet and Delilah to intentionally turn Dom into a werewolf. (!!!) All of these factors make for a solid plot structure. My only concern is that sometimes the plot gets bogged down by too much dialogue, which I'll address in the next paragraph.

Dialogue. In these first five chapters, I've noticed a tendency for your characters to "overtalk." There were several instances--especially Dom and Teddy's conversations--where your characters' lines didn't ring true or felt like an info dump, rather than an actual conversation. For example, in Chapter 3's flashback, Teddy, Dom, and Victoire talk through a potential relationship between Teddy and Dom in exhaustive detail--but much of this detail isn't necessary. All you need to convey is that Victoire is at peace with Teddy and Dom dating. I think that passage would benefit from cutting a lot of dialogue and replacing it with some more subtle, nuanced lines.

On a similar note, there are several times where relationship conflict seems to be too easily resolved. Twice now, Dom and Teddy have been embroiled in a heated (and legitimate!) argument, only for them to exchange apologizes and be completely at peace again. This struck me as unrealistic. Dom and Teddy can, of course, resolve their conflicts. That's what healthy couples do! But even the healthiest couples can still hold grudges or deal with unresolved issues. I think the story might benefit from you giving Dom and Teddy some more longterm issues (other than Dom's inability to conceive) that they have to grapple with over the course of more than just a chapter.

Characterization. I really like the way you portray Delilah. She's so attentive and sweet on the outside, and yet her words and actions are total poison. She reminds me strongly of Dolores Umbridge. Even though I didn't like Delilah from the outset, however, I was still surprised to find that she paid off a werewolf to bite Dom. And that's a good sign that you've developed your villain well but still retain the element of surprise! I also like how you portray the quiet jealousy Dom has developed toward Victoire. It's clear that the sisters love each other, but of course Dom is upset that Victoire will have a life that she can now never obtain. :(

Overall, I think Dom's portrayal is strong. You've given her goals (an eventual family, respect in her career) and you've given her obstacles to overcome (lycanthropy!). That's a great start. I'm most concerned about your characterization of Teddy. Right now, he's reading like a stock character to me. I don't see any personality coming through other than the perfect, supportive boyfriend. I'd suggest spending more time fleshing out Teddy's character and giving him more visible interests and flaws.

Prose/Grammar. Overall, I think you're good here. My only big red flag when reading through your prose is that you tend to overuse ellipses. A "..." placed in the right spot can be extremely powerful. But when you use them, they tend to lose their meaning. I'd suggest going through the story and evaluating whether each ellipsis is really necessary or not.

That's it from me! I had a great time reading this far, and I think you're off to a wonderful start. Very best wishes as you continue to write!

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for such a detailed review, and apologies for not responding sooner!

I am glad you like the plot over all, I put a lot of thought and effort into it, so it's good to know it makes sense =)

I do have issues with dialogue (in all my stories) so I'll try to work on that and tone it down for future chapters, and when I come back to edit. I'll also try to work around Dom and Teddy's resolutions and see what I can do. Thanks for the tips!

I am pleased you like Delilah's characterisation and call her a 'good villain', that's a big compliment so thank you. I'll try to flesh out Teddy more and see what I can do.

Ellipsis are the bane of my existence, haha. I'll go back and look at them when I get the time.

Thank you so much once again for your encouraging words and helpful comments!


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