Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I knew I'd be back soon! Maybe not quite this soon, but one doesn't pass on such a good opportunity. :)

I love the things you've been able to do with some of your minor characters in this story. Wendy Ellerbee not only drew out some of what Hermione's working on, she also helped introduce more context to the story in a way that felt very natural. If you have one of the main characters reminiscing about the war or pondering how it's still affecting the present day, it can feel a bit forced. Here, we have a character whose life and career were very much shaped by those events. It came across in a completely organic way.

The only thing I thought was a bit odd about the interaction between Wendy and Hermione was the fact that there was no test to be certain that it was really Hermione and not somebody else using polyjuice potion. Given the importance of the contents of the vault and the great lengths that the Ministry is obviously going to in order to protect it, I would have expected some precautions to be taken. Even if it was something as simple as weighing Hermione's wand or a mention of some enchantment on the gate to dispel the effects of polyjuice, I think it would have added to the feeling of completeness. Unless that was the point...

Poor Neville, burning the midnight oil. If only he'd paid attention to that note from Ron and Harry.

I feel like there is a reason you made a point of this foreign periodical Neville noted. Combining that with Harry's strong feelings that foreign influences were involved in the Hughes murder, it suggested a certain direction.

I also liked the little history lesson that went along with Hughes's back story. Blood purity prejudice is hardly new or unique, unfortunately. Oh, and lest I forget, the C.R.O.W. exams were really clever!

Interesting place to arrange a meeting with Malfoy. I like dripping in the occasional location that carries significance from the books. Your Draco was maybe a tad immature for my tastes, but he did have Ron there provoking him. Good to see that the two of them still can't manage to share a civil word; I never expect to see that change. Harry manages the situation well, however. He seems to have Draco's grudging respect even if they're not on cordial terms.

I saw one lonely typo as I was reading:

In the soft lantern-light, she could down the length of the enchanted wrought-iron gate separating the secure area from the rest of the Archives. -- she could see down the length?

Otherwise, very well written! I probably don't comment on this often enough, but your writing always flows really well and I think you're doing a great job of pacing the story. I'll be back...

Author's Response: Hello again! Glad you seized the opportunity to come back by! I always appreciate your thoughtful and detailed reviews.

First, I'm glad you liked Wendy. Obviously she didn't feature too long, but I did want to use her to give a bit of a glimpse about how those slightly younger than the group that actually fought in the Second Wizarding War might have been affected.

Your point about the security is very well taken. I think honestly I got a bit caught up in the fact of there being a guard like Wendy and that the person would surrender their wand to cover the other angle...an admitted oversight on my part which strikes me as odd given my real-life profession.

The foreign periodical DOES have a purpose, though I will leave it to you to discern what you think it is as the story goes on...

I'm glad you like the history and C.R.O.W.s too. It took an absurdly long amount of time to come up with that little name for the exams actually and I assumed that it would go relatively unnoticed, but I'm glad someone caught it and appreciated it. Making those names for tests is harder than it seems at first glance...

Re: Draco, upon reflection I think I didn't do enough to accomplish what I intended. My goal was really for Draco's frustration to be primarily at being tapped as an informant. The idea was that the Ministry has been tapping him for information since Voldemort's defeat and that he is growing tired of living life under that constant demand. I did also want to get across that he and Ron had still not entirely outgrown their school day squabbles, but ultimately I think I got too caught up in that and neglected using the dialogue to develop the former as I had originally intended.

Thanks for the comments on the flow and pacing. With the investigative focus, pacing was definitely a concern of mine with the story, so it's good to know you think it's moving appropriately for now.

Re: the typo...hmm. My point with that phrase I guess was to demonstrate that there wasn't just a small gate, but that it was kind of a long fence-like barrier that she could see all the way down in the light. I did struggle a bit with phrasing it. Perhaps this is proof I should have just broken up the sentence and been more clear. So thanks for pointing that out.

Thanks again for a super review! I intend to go back and make some edits to this once the judging for the challenge is over so I will absolutely keep these thoughts in mind!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 281
Submit Report: