No. Why would you do this?
Pollux, Mipsy, and now Regulus?!?!?! Just. WHY.
There aren't even any answers right now--or if there are, I'm way too dumb to see them. Who killed Pollux? Who killed Mipsy? Why is Regulus bleeding on the bed? And where in the world is frickin' Barty Crouch?!?! (See, I'm reduced to mild expletives because of my confusion.)
So. Let's go back to the beginning.
Well, send in the Aurors!! I loved seeing Shacklebolt and Moody pre-Harry Potter era. I wonder--does Moody have the magic eye in this time? I guess not, or you would've mentioned it. They've come to investigate, but the Black family won't take any of their nonsense! It was really interesting to view the two Aurors from a Black perspective--in this case, they were just getting in the way of all the drama that was happening, and none of the Blacks particularly liked that. (Except for Sirius, who is basically a Potter.) Who could've sent that owl to the Ministry? Was there a clue in an earlier chapter? Gosh, before I review the very last chapter of this story, I'll have to go back and read all of the previous chapters so that I can perhaps make a prediction that would make some sense!
Ugh, Alphard. His name is mud to me now. Blech. The more I hear about him, the less I like him. First he's all like, "Oh, that was fun, you guys," and then he's bashing Sirius, his favorite nephew. Is no one safe from the black hearts of the Blacks? Apparently not.
Haha, all of the Kreacher mentions kind of cracked me up. He was thinking about how the Aurors were not fit to enter the House of Black, and he makes good cookies! If it's true that everyone has a redeeming quality, cookies are Kreacher's. :)
Last scene! Lastscenelastscenelastscene!!! Oh my goodness. I read it twice, and the only thing that I can find wrong with it is that I was under the impression that Sirius slapped Alphard's hand, but when he shut the door, Sirius noticed that his cheek was bruised. Did I miss something? Sorry if I did. :)
I love how Sirius is building a house of cards on his bed. It really applies to the title of the story. ;) And you know what? I bet it fell down when he ran to Regulus' room. (Ironies. Delicious!)
Ooh, another thing wrong with this section: Regulus. And it's not anything that YOU did wrong... Oh yeah, except for WHAT YOU DID TO HIM. Can I be mad at you for this? Is that okay? I'm sure that Sirius is mad at you, and oh look! He loved his brother after all! But he's not going to be able to tell him that because they'll be in two separate states of existence soon! >:'''( I am sad and also mad. Arrgggh, it's so conflicting, because you wrote it so well-there's nothing that I can find wrong with your writing (there never is!)-and yet, WHY REGULUS?!
Also, why isn't Barty in this? Did he leave in the last chapter and silly old me forgot about it? If not, he'd better show up and do some explaining!! Right now, all signs point to him as the murderer, but you know what? I'm not buying that. There HAS to be someone else, because you, clever Aphoride, have probably been leading me on a wild goose chase all along, haven't you? Well, I must say that I want to think it's Barty, but I can't let myself do that in good faith. As for who it MIGHT be... I don't even know.
One quote that I especially liked: "There's a tension in the air as the Orion closes the door with a soft click; thick and heavy, it presses down on Sirius' shoulders, making his tongue feel like lead in his mouth and his heart beat loudly in his chest."
Can I just geek out about the way you write things?! Seriously, you're brilliant at juxtaposing action with internal emotion, and this quote just proves it. I love the way the closing of the door and the tension in the room affected Sirius--I could almost feel it myself! So that sentence is masterfully crafted, indeed!
However, now that I'm inspecting it with more scrutiny: Do you see that "the" in between "as" and "Orion"? Yeah, the first time I read it, I didn't either. However, I don't think that you intended for that spare article to be in the phrase "as the Orion closes the door." That's the only correction that I'd recommend for this chapter.
OH MY GOODNESS, WE'RE ON QUEENS. IS THIS ALMOST THE END?!?! WILL NEXT TIME BE THE LAST CHAPTER?! No, wait--you still have to do Aces. Please say that you're going to do Aces. I've grown too attached to this story for it to end in just one more chapter!!! D:
Please update soon! I really want to know what happens--will they solve the mystery? Will anyone else die?! I need answers!
Author's Response: Hey there, Mallory! Thanks so much for dropping by - and I'm so so sorry about how long it's taken me to respond to this. All your reviews are so amazing, and I'm so bad at review responses because I can never think of what to say apart from 'thank you thank you thank you, I love you' :P
I'm really really sorry about that! I know, it's totally unfair - and like, half the action is happening right at the end, haha, but I'm sorry! I love Regulus, really I do, but it had to happen! :(
There will be answers, though, I promise - eventually :P
Ah, I'm so happy you liked the Aurors! I wasn't sure if they'd really fit in to the whole story theme - but I kinda wanted them to show how closed off the whole family are, like some kind of secret society type thing, and just sort of give them something to rally around, in a way. Ooh, no, I kinda assumed he didn't - it's only the very beginning of the first war against Voldemort, so I imagined he gets it later on, maybe in a fight against Bellatrix or something, I dunno :P Yeah, the owl to the Ministry isn't something which is particularly clear - I'll be really amazed if you work it out! But I'm so glad you thought the Aurors worked - I was so nervous about that whole scene! :)
Alphard... well, I can't say I'm sorry to hear you don't like him, since I really didn't want him to be likeable, haha :P Though your comment about him bashing Sirius was... interesting. Curious you thought Sirius... ;)
Kreacher! After the house-elf died, I just had to put him in. He's a vile little thing, but unexpectedly funny, too - I loved making him sort of the voice of all the unspoken Black thoughts, haha. Like they're all thinking it, but he's the only one who says it ;P
Last scene! :D Got to be honest, that one was so hard to write - so I'm so glad you like it! Ooh, yeah, sorry about that, it's not very clear - Alphard pulls Sirius out of the room and Sirius sort of fights him to try and get back in ;)
Haha, someone mentioned in a review before that they thought it would be neat to see actual cards in it, so I couldn't resist putting them in there!
Regulus, gah, I knew everyone loved him! :P Nah, he's adorable - but yeah, I know, it's horrible! Poor Reggie... :( I loved writing Sirius' reaction, though it was hard to get it right - however he feels on the surface, and thinks he feels, isn't really the truth of it all. He just likes to think he doesn't care about his brother :P But, ahem, yeah, poor them... :P
Barty, Barty, Barty... he's a very suspicious boy, I have to admit that. He will show up, I promise you - and very soon! Next chapter, for certain! But yeah, he's not here for a reason, and that will be explained! Yeah, Barty is one of those characters who's almost too suspicious to actually suspect, though whether or not that means it is him or not is up to you ;)
Gah, thank you so much! I have this habit of personifying things and making them do human-esque things like that, so I'm glad you like it! This chapter was difficult to write - sort of, well, most of it really - so I'm so glad you like it, because I was really nervous about it.
Ooh, yeah, I see it now! Thank you so much for pointing it out - I'm so bad at spotting those kinds of things! I'll edit it out as soon as possible! Thank you so much for mentioning it!
I KNOW, I'M SO SAD! IT'S SO EXCITING AND NERVOUS AND TERRIFYING! Yeah, Aces are all up as well - I just had to do an epilogue; couldn't leave it hanging just like that!
Thank you so so much for the lovely review - I'm so so grateful for it, it was such a lovely thing to get! :) And again, I'm so sorry for the incredibly late response!