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Review:TidalDragon says:
You had to make the cliffhanger in the proposal didn't you?! Well it's certainly a good spot, if a bit frustrating. I only hope that Dominique won't be retreating back into the self-pity and insistence that she would only hurt Teddy's life that she seemed to have abandoned some time ago.

As far as the story as a whole goes, I thought it started out incredibly strong. You used very good descriptions and imagery to set up and begin telling a unique story. The plot was logical, largely flowed well, and I thought other than the few comments I made about characterization everyone was believable within the story.

The biggest thing that perplexed me throughout though was what changed from the early chapters to the later ones. As I mentioned above I thought you started off very strongly, but as things got more complex with more characters and more storylines, you seemed to let the dialogue overtake you and some of the things that made the beginning so strong and stood out as being excellently written seemed to fall by the wayside a bit in service of conversation and pushing the plot forward. If you do decide to go back and make any edits, or even as you continue to work forward, I'd look back at those early chapters and try to draw some inspiration from the style and type of writing you were doing then, and weave it in with what you're doing now. The fusion would be more effective than either in isolation in my opinion.

All in all though you've done good work with an intriguing plot, characters with little canon to serve as background, and a very difficult situation and its myriad complications.

I wish you the best going forward and I hope my reviews helped. Please PM me if you have questions!

Author's Response: No worries, Dominique is not retreating into self-pity... but it's just that she's at a point in her life when she is not ready for something like marriage, plus she cares about Teddy and she'd rather not see him "childless" for the rest of his life. More on that in the next chapter of course =)

I am pleased over all you feel like the story started strong, that the plot is logical, and characters more or less believable.

I'll try to follow your advice and weave in more description and emotion in the story as it moves on, and when I come back to edit.

Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews. They've given me some valuable feedback. Apologies for the delay in responding.


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