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Review:SilentConfession says:
I really like how you've formatted this. I am actually always a fan when someone formats stories a bit differently because it raises so many questions and I felt that with this first chapter. I also liked how you've packed in a lot of information into the first chapter and yet it was done in such small snippets. That is really a neat thing to be able to do and capture it well enough so you get the readers attention.

I think that is your strongest bit here is how you've introduced your story. You thrust the readers into the world were we see James finding out about Bellamy and Scorpius. Then we learn that they were together, James was going to propose, a friend knew that Bellamy would break James' heart but, for some reason, cannot actually do anything about what she knows. I think it was skilfully woven into the first chapter and definitely makes me interested in what else is to come.

I think the only thing I felt was a bit more needed was some more narrative. Maybe not entirely for this chapter as it is more of an attention grabber, but perhaps for future chapters keep in mind balancing description and dialogue and inner thoughts. I want to see the world they live in. Right now it almost seems like the characters are hanging in space. It will make me care about the story more and make me remember and think on your story. It's the small details like that, that make a reader get in the mood for the story (hope that makes sense).

Another thing I quite liked was the moments you chose to show in this chapter. I like how we can see how these characters interact with one another. What their relationships are as well. Hannah seems really close to James, so much that he has his own nickname to her, she's also close to Rose and Lily. We get to see the dynamics and it'll make it an interesting cast to work with and read about later.

Lovely job, glad I was able to read this. Good luck with the rest of it!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I've been working on adding more detail into the prologue (so many wonderful people have suggested this) and I have put more detail into the following chapters.

Yes, I'm rather in love with the prologue. Everything there is important and crucial to the rest of the story.

Thanks again for the lovely review. I hope you like the other chapters! :-)


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