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Review:Rumpelstiltskin says:
I'm doing the first-chapter sweep of the challenge reviews (and I'll be back to review the rest of the story, ideally before the deadline, but definitely before winners are declared).

Plot/plot arch: A serial murder -- it's perhaps an odd element to become excited over, but I can't help it! As luck would have it, it appears that one of our main characters is going to be Taryn, after all! I'm glad she got a chance to participate! I also love that you've begun taking us readers step-by-step through the investigation. I find this extremely fun...especially since this poor girl seems to be investigating a wizard's murder. Ah yes, the victim is Dean Thomas! I assume that the other investigators are from the wizarding authorities. A clue! I wonder what "wanderers" means. Also, one of the other detectives seems to be part of the Next Generation crew! I can't wait to see who it is!

Characterization: Craig -- He seems very dedicated to this case, causing him to be angry at the murderer. I like that quality in a detective; it makes me feel like I'm watching a television show where one of the character's flaws is an untamed temper. I love it. Taryn -- Is forced to fetch coffee instead of participate in the case. You'd think that Craig would want everybody able on the case to help discover the murderer...but I know how these things go! I like her (if I'm not mistaken) passive-agressive thoughts while making her boss' coffee. I also love that she completely overlooked Mark's advances on her, as she's far too excited just to be on the case. Her sudden fear of messing up stems a little from Craig's fear that she'll mess up, I believe. I like this character so far! Mark -- Every story needs a Mark. The good guy who 'hits' on and reassures his female companion :). Great job!

Detail: Really, you've done a fantastic job at including just enough descriptors to give me a feel of what's going on, but not overloading as to obscure the point. It was a really good choice, in my opinion.

Style: You have a traditional style of nice, full paragraphs and sentences, with just enough dialogue to break up the text. You also have a typical forward progression of time. You are mastering the traditional styles of writing, and it's absolutely fantastic!

Notes/other: I can't wait to read more of this! I'll be back!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: This review has completely made my day! Honestly, you've really made me feel really good about this story and the way that its written! I'm glad that you are liking the different characters and all that is happening. You shall soon see who is going to be in the next gen crew! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!

~Slytherinchica08~


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