Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:oldershouldknowbetter says:
Almost as thin as one of Chelsea Oxford's tiny shirts. Even in the depths of despair I can make myself laugh at her. God I hate her. I wish I could just take my pencil and drive it right through her thick skull and kill the one brain cell I can hear rattling around up there when she walks...

"Rose!?" Dom said, snapping me out of my psychopathic daydream.


"You're holding your pencil like a sword and grinding your teeth like an old sheep." Dom said conversationally.

I love your writing and your characterisation and the humour in adversity you manage to convey.

The scans coming up, good a crucial plot point. James and Sarah were obviously always going to go but the inclusion of Scorpius is great. It should be a little nod to Scorpius about the status of the baby's paternity, but I'm sure it is too subtle for him (or maybe he just doesn't dare to hope). He is just glad that he can be there for the girl he loves. The pack always stands by it's own

Amy and Chelsea. Both are being bitchy but there are some reasons. Chelsea because she is but Amy has some more confusing issues. She still keeps getting under Sarah's skin which is a big mistake - it is not going to endear her to James, or the group and will just hurt herself in the long run.

"Oooh. Touchy subject is it?" Chelsea asked, eyebrows raised and looking at Amy like she'd struck gold.
Hmm, skirting too close to the truth.

"I will get you out of Scorpius' life for good, you bi___. His money is mine now. And if I manage to get any dirt on you, Weasley, rest assured that I will use it to break you." Chelsea hissed in my ear in a quiet, deadly voice.
OK, here we have Chelsea's true motivations - money. She truly is a money-grubbing wh___. From her comment though, she knows that Rose means something to Scorpius - she wants to get her out of his life. So part of her motivation is nastiness towards Rose; it is actually personal to Chelsea. We don't know if she has any feelings at all for Scorpius (beyond a desire for his money) but we know she hates Rose.

In St Mungos.

'Sarah smiled encouragingly at me, taking the baby from James without looking and putting it on the table.' It's this sort of naturalness around each other that gives one the greatest hope that the two will eventually come back together.

You can slip in some very important dialogue into the most unlikely of places - there are some very pertinent things said whilst waiting for the scan.
Scorpius asks again about the father - only contempt for whoever it is because they are not there. This and his reaction to seeing the fetus are good signs for Rose that his paternity of her child will be a serious, desirous thing for him. She doesn't really have the mental space to process the subtleties at the moment particularly when she sees her unborn child for the first time.
It's good that Sarah comments upon Scorpius and his, bad, relationship with Chelsea. Her and his comments are enlightening and would have gone further but they are interrupted by the baby scan.

And there is a good bit of characterisation to round out the end of the chapter - Sarah/James, Rose being close to the limit, etc and ...


Ok it's good she knows but now the secret has slipped beyond the boundaries of the pack. Even though it hasn't traveled very far - Hugo and Lilly could almost be considered 'pack-lite' especially with the revelations of latter chapters. But the secret is becoming less secret and it really scares Rose because it brings it back to her that it is a secret that cannot be kept quiet forever.

The stalwart knight of the Rose.

Author's Response: The pack will always make sure Scorpius is included, as subtly as they can.

Amy does keep trying to take on the alpha female, and in doing so enrages the female members of the pack. She is not going about anything the right way.

Chelsea however is going about it the right way - she picks a fight with Rose, who is more inclined to keep it to herself.

Rose is missing the subtleties at the moment as you've said. James scowling at Scorpius' snide remark says more than any words. Scorpius is fighting feelings of hatred for the supposed 'other man' while James is protecting his beta female. Sarah quickly jumps in to prevent anymore awkwardness.

Lily and Hugo are definitely "pack lite" haha what a brilliant way to put it. Regardless, Rose is panicking quite a lot through the secret leaking out.

Thanks as ever for the review.

-Sarita x

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 875
Submit Report: