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Review:CambAngst says:
Hello, again!

Second chapters are always harder than the first and I can see that you struggled a bit here and there with this one. You come off of such a high with the first chapter, unleashing your brilliant, gripping introduction upon the world, and then there's a bit of a let-down as you move into the actual delivery of the plot. It's nothing bad at all, just the normal course of things.

Ugh, poor Harry. I hate getting dragged out of bed in the middle of the night. And if I was getting dragged away from Ginny, well, let's just say that it would be that much worse. I liked the quick peek of insight into where their lives have taken them over the ensuing six years. If my back-of-the-envelope timeline is right, James Sirius should be coming along pretty soon.

I feel like I'm drawing a bead on where you're heading with Harry. He seems to be Robards's protege in a way, clearly very skilled with the detective-work aspect of being an Auror. Ron and Neville -- and even Gawain, to an extent -- seem very deferential toward him.

I like the way that you give us an idea of where Hermione is going to fit into the story without just coming out and telling us what she's doing. You infer it, letting me figure out for myself. Good technique!

Looks like poor Neville's love life hasn't gone exactly the way he wanted it to. In spite of the heartbreak, he seems to have turned into a bit to a flirt. I hope we get to see him together with Hannah in the story. Cute couple! I also love the way he sits there, nursing a drink without actually drinking it.

Ooh, I'm such a sucker for "technical magic". I love Harry's entire approach to the crime scene, using observation and insight and diagnostic spells. Excellent writing!

I noticed one small typo as I was reading:

the young wizard still feared the worst when he received this late-night visits. -- when he received late-night visits.

Also the following read a bit awkwardly:

Neville looked toward the door immediately as Hannah stepped away. Immediately he noticed his two old friends were not alone. -- When you have "immediately" in the middle of one sentence, then start the next with the same word, it sounds a little repetitive.

Otherwise, great writing. I really enjoyed this chapter!

Author's Response: Hello again! Thank you for more great feedback!

I know it's not some people's cup of tea, but I am always really glad to receive thoughtful CC like yours. I think you raise a good point about this chapter being a bit of a drop-off after the big finish in the first. I have read so many great stories on the archive that do a really good job of introducing the major players in a story in the early chapters so I know it can be done very well, but that's something that proves hard for me at times. While I did want to do it this way to better serve the development of the plot and pace of the story going forward, I also think I sometimes feel a bit of an urge to get everybody out there so that I don't have to do it as much over time. So erg.

I also appreciate the attention to detail you paid about the typo and word choice. It's a very good catch that I missed in my proofreading, which is a little embarrassing when it comes to the word choice since that's often a big piece of my own reviews. For shame!

I am glad though that you liked the characters and the approach to the crime scene. The actual "scene scene" was really my biggest worry with this chapter, trying to fuse investigative techniques with magic so it was nice to hear it came off. This is something that vexes me later on in the story too, so hopefully if you carry on, you'll find that those bits came off okay as well.

I'm glad you're liking the story and hopefully you'll continue to if you keep reading!

Thanks so much!


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