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Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I like this story! You know why I like it? Because I'm one chapter in and already I see that you're not afraid to tackle the nitty-gritty details that so many authors are afraid to delve into. Wizard credit risk profiles? You had me right there!

Seriously, though, I love stories like this one that show an author's take on the nuts and bolts of what makes day-to-day life in the magical world function. Goblins aren't likely to lend gold to just anyone; I'm sure they have standards. So do all businesses that don't want to end up bankrupt. And I love the conflict you've portrayed. If bankruptcy and homelessness are truly unknown in magical society then there'a an argument to be made against opening up those possibilities. But how to do it? Is it possible without marginalizing a large segment of your population? Gah, brilliantly philosophical stuff!

Moving along, I think you set a great scene in this chapter. I loved the abruptness of how you moved from a lone wizard taking a walk, pondering what most would consider a highly mundane subject, to a gripping moment of terror. There was no way that anything good was going to happen once the lights went out; it was only a matter of how bad it would be. Your descriptions were vivid and they painted a clear picture in my mind. Even the details of Tobias's untimely demise drew me into the horrors of his last moments.

Your writing was very well done. No typos or grammatical problems that I could see. It all flowed beautifully from start to finish.

Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your thoughtful and detailed review! It was great to come back home to after a long day of work!

I definitely tried to make a sharp contrast between the beginning, where I wanted to provide a little glimpse of Tobias and the world he worked in and decision he was facing, and the end where he obviously met his untimely end. I'm glad you thought it worked well.

As for the day-to-day issues, I wish I could say they will continue throughout the story, but I don't want to be disingenuous. Hopefully there will be some less overt procedural-type issues that will also provoke your thought, but the actual issues raised in this chapter aren't going to be explored heavily (at least not in my current vision). They are definitely things I always wondered about in terms of how pro-pureblood policies might have been allowed to continue (for reasons other than just prejudice and greed) and what reform would mean - who would oppose certain issues, etc., so I may one day write a sort of straight-up political/reform fic, we'll see. I'm glad you found the subjects believable and intriguing though!

I'm also very glad you thought the description was well done. That's something I struggle with as a writer, at least doing it consistently, so it's always nice to hear it went well.

Thanks again!


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