Hey there - stopping by from our review swap!
So I wasn't sure at first if I was going to drop by on this, seeing as you have loads of reviews on this - but, I love Rose/Scorpius, so I decided to stop by anyway!
I love how you characterised both Scorpius and Rose. How they're similar, and so different, and how they work but sort of fell apart. And I liked how we saw Scorpius through his actions, and Rose through his eyes. It was a great way to do it! I liked how Rose was a free spirit, even though she'd been popular and clever and sporty - sort of perfect, really, at school - but it hadn't all been as easy as might as assumed. The little detail about her hiding for 'admirers' and friends and people to go is such a bittersweet little thing. I liked Scorpius too - how he seems so fixed on her and still misses her, and how he seems so easily embarrassed by normal things - like the condoms in the shopping trolley! Such a funny inclusion! :P
I love how you started it after Hogwarts, and after they'd had a relationship. It's such an unusual starting point, you know - mostly it starts with the beginning of the relationship, rather than sort of after it - and I liked it! I liked how they had this really tangible awkwardness about them at the beginning when they first met and he realised it was her, and then how they relaxed and got on with each other and had this great camaraderie - laughing and joking. It added depth to their relationship which I really liked - it offset the ending, I think.
One quick thing: you might want to look at combining some of your sentences, since you tend to use a lot of short ones in a row, when you don't want to build up tension or anything. If you switch some of the phrasing around, then you can combine them, and it'll flow better :)
I really like this, though. I like how sweet it is and how realistic it seems. Not everyone has those perfect relationships, not everyone gets the girl they want at the beginning, you know. It's such a sweet story! :)
Author's Response: Hi there, Aph! ^_^ I'm sorry for this super late response!
I'm glad you decided to drop by. I think I'm a little attached to this story because it was my first one-shot and I had so much fun writing. Reviews are always welcome :)
I'm g;ad you like my characterisation and portrayal of them. I know that this isn't how they're usually portrayed, so it's nice to hear that it worked! I tried to write them differently, but I didn't want either of them to come off seeing unbelievably perfect. So I'm happy to hear that, that wasn't the case!
Condoms=Awkward=Humour. Simple algorithm :p
I know it's rather unusual, but again, I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that it worked! I wanted to write something totally non-cliche, and that's how this fic came into existence :p I wanted them to find each other easy to be around, but at the same time, I wasn't going for something totally frivolous, so you've got it spot on ;)
Thanks for the tip! :) I'm planning to edit soon and I'll make sure I watch the sentence structure when I do!
YAY! :D I'm going to hand over a whole box of cookies to you for this awesome review! AND for calling it sweet and realistic and funny, cause that's all I went for here.