|Review:||nott theodore says:|
I really loved seeing Albus and Louis's reactions to Rose and her reception of the news that Scorpius was there. The fact that Albus was running away from 'girl' talk made me laugh, because it felt so in character with what we've seen of him so far. I like the fact that Louis was much more comfortable with it, which makes sense with having two sisters and the fact that he seems to get on better with his female cousins than his male ones too. I felt for Albus here - being stuck between friends (and family, in this case) when a relationship ends is not a pleasant experience, and it's clear that he's struggled a bit with that.
Louis is really perceptive, and I like the fact that there's a male character here who does take notice of things, because I think they're not common enough in fanfiction and that's not really a fair portrayal. He and Rose seem to share that quality to some extent, although Louis seems quieter and less confident than his cousin. I felt even more sorry for Albus when I read about him having trouble with James; he has all the bad luck! But having an older sibling making fun of the younger one is definitely believable, even with their ages, because I think siblings are sometimes more competitive than anyone else.
It was great to hear that Rose and Scorpius's relationship wasn't all sunshine and daisies before the June incident (I'm guessing that Scorpius cheated on her, from what's been said so far), because it's a refreshing change. Rose seems to want to portray herself as the innocent victim but she knows her family members know otherwise and it's interesting to see that the relationship was going badly before any incident.
I feel for Rose as a fellow tall(ish) person! Short people like Molly are not helpful for our self esteem!
I loved the family dynamics in this chapter before the meal, as well. You wrote the amount of people there really well, focusing at the right time on the right people so that it wasn't overwhelming to read about the sheer amount of them! I suspect that a few more people in her family knew about her and Scorpius than she initially thought she was telling - in a family like that, I don't imagine all secrets stay secret for very long :P
The conversation between Rose and Albus was lovely, and I think you captured the dynamic between them really well. They've grown up together and know each other really well, and the joking and reactions at different comments helped to show that, too. I still don't trust Scorpius, though.
At the beginning, I think you're missing a word in this sentence: "but and shuffled his sorry feet inside".
Things seemed to escalate quickly with the Quidditch match, but I thought the build-up was very believable as a cause for what happened at the end of the chapter. I love the fact that Ginny and Harry are so perceptive and trying to make sure that Rose is okay, and Ron's defensive attitude of his daughter coming out in the way he refuses to throw Scorpius the Quaffle - it seems like a very Ron thing to do :P
Ah, Weasley is our king/queen! I loved the way that was built up through that section and that the verses changed to reflect what was happening in the game - I suspect Ron might have been very influential in ensuring the survival of that song! It made me laugh that he could be more confident with all of the younger ones as well, you just seem to have his character captured perfectly in this story!
I don't blame Rose for trying to hit Scorpius in this chapter... if you give someone a bat and tell them they can aim things at anyone on the pitch, I'm sure the ex-boyfriend is going to be a favourite target! Although whoever handed her the bat might have made a bad decision. I felt really sorry for poor Matt here - what an introduction to the family!
Rose's overprotectiveness over her purse was understandable, too (although as a slight Brit-pick, I think you might be referring to what we normally call a bag, as purses are normally just for money), because everything that's happened in the day has been getting her riled up and she's stretched to a point where she can't stand it anymore. All of that build up makes her decision to take the potion again, knowing what would happen this time, more believable.
The switch in point of view to Richard was a change that felt very fitting and appropriate for the narrative. It's interesting that he's about sixteen here (if I've remembered right) because he's carrying himself with such authority and that would be unusual for our time. This was actually the part I was most excited for (I've come to this story straight after finishing TKD, so more Richard is much appreciated!) and I loved the way that he arrived for a more relaxing time and I suspect that it won't be that for him!
The way he referred to Agnes was great, since there are vague suspicions of her being a witch but he'd rather not know - quite a sensible decision really, but I'm really intrigued about what his reaction to Rose being a witch will be. Then his reaction to Rose - this is presumably the first time he meets her, and her appearance must have been really shocking for someone who was so used to the strict codes of conduct at the time, and the way that women should behave, as well as the way people should address him. She's very different to anything he's ever known and I'm so intrigued to see how things will develop between them from here!
Author's Response: Hola! :)
You are so amazing for leaving me this crazy long and detailed review, thank you so much love! :D
I'm really glad you liked Albus' reactions and how he didn't want to deal with the girl talk. :P In this story Louis is far more passive and understanding while Albus doesn't like having to listen to or deal with conflict. And Albus is in a pretty unfair situation - he kind of has to stay on Rose's good side because she's his cousin, but he knows that Scorpius isn't the only bad guy in the situation.
I agree! Louis is quite sensitive and observant, and I'm really pleased you picked that out and like that about him. James seems to turn out pretty erratic and all over the place in a lot of my stories, based off of how the brothers were in the prologue. I can certainly imagine James giving Albus a hard time and feeling competitive with one another.
Yes, exactly! There will be more on their relationship, but as the story is from Rose's POV it is a little bias for now.
Typo has been fixed! :D
Okay good, I'm really pleased you thought the Quidditch match made sense. It was quite fun to write and felt like a really Weasley thing to do instead of having to talk to each other. :P I agree, I feel like Ron would hold a grudge no matter what, and Ginny especially would try to be understanding but loyal. It's quite fun to write them as adults. I'm really glad you like how I write Ron, he's just hilarious through Rose's POV, and I especially enjoyed Weasley is our King. :P I really couldn't resist it.
Exactly! Hitting him wouldn't be socially acceptable in any other situation, but what's a girl to do? :P Poor Matt, I did find that quite ironic. He'll be more scared to come back the next time than he already was.
Interesting - I've changed it to bag as well. :) Exactly, she's just pushed to the breaking point. She really wants the adventure now, and she's acting spontaneously.
I know, he's so young! Of course, the times were different and forty was considered old age, especially for girls. :P There's lots and lots of fifteenth century and Richard coming back, which I just really love writing. :)
Yes - I felt that Richard has some knowledge of real-world witchcraft, but in the grand scheme of things he has other things to worry about. He does find Rose quite intriguing, though there is more to his understanding of her. Richard cuts her some slack because of this too, but he's certainly got suspicions.
Thanks so much for the amazing review! I loved it! :D ♥