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Review:TidalDragon says:
The bit with Bill was an excellent part of this chapter. We only get glimpses of him in canon, so it was nice to see a prominent moment for him in your story. I thought it was also fitting that he would be kind and understanding as the oldest Weasley (and gave some flesh to why he might win over Fleur, beyond his looks) and that you worked his job as a cursebreaker into his concern for Sadie.

The only thing that caught me off guard a little was the transition from the portkey to after the Quidditch match. It definitely got across her panic and disorientation, but until later on (and a re-read of the beginning of that crowd section) it was unclear that you had skipped the match, so I was left kind of waiting and waiting for something to happen there, for Sadie to have some reaction to the Quidditch itself and obviously that did not happen. I don't question the choice to skip the Quidditch as I think what you did was effective, but you might consider somehow making clearer right out from amidst the panic that your second section of the chapter is taking place post-match.

See you in the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked Bill. I too feel like he is a very underused character and so I do try to bring him in whenever I can. I really enjoyed letting him play the part of big brother again here. I also feel that Bill's career often gets overlooked in stories as well. To be a cursebreaker he had to be pretty dang brave and smart, I think. He should get to be an important part of the Wizarding World and the fight against Voldemort that is going to start growing here, more than just as Ron's Oldest Brother. Not sure what I'm trying to say here is making any sense, but maybe you will understand.

Ah, you found my weak transition. I know this one is a bit of a mess and can cause confusion. I tried and tried to find a way to make it more smooth, so people would realize the passage of time and that I skipped the actual match entirely in my narrative, but every time I sneaked in a little transition paragraph, I lost the effect of the abruptness and panic. It was one of those spots that you fight and fight with, and finally - for the sake of getting the chapter posted, just have to let go. Someday I will be hit with a brilliant fix for this and then I will come back and edit it. But until then, I just grit my teeth and bear it.

Thanks again so much for reading! You are amazing!


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