Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:TidalDragon says:
The bit with Bill was an excellent part of this chapter. We only get glimpses of him in canon, so it was nice to see a prominent moment for him in your story. I thought it was also fitting that he would be kind and understanding as the oldest Weasley (and gave some flesh to why he might win over Fleur, beyond his looks) and that you worked his job as a cursebreaker into his concern for Sadie.

The only thing that caught me off guard a little was the transition from the portkey to after the Quidditch match. It definitely got across her panic and disorientation, but until later on (and a re-read of the beginning of that crowd section) it was unclear that you had skipped the match, so I was left kind of waiting and waiting for something to happen there, for Sadie to have some reaction to the Quidditch itself and obviously that did not happen. I don't question the choice to skip the Quidditch as I think what you did was effective, but you might consider somehow making clearer right out from amidst the panic that your second section of the chapter is taking place post-match.

See you in the next chapter!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 257
Submit Report: