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Review:TidalDragon says:
Hello again!

So this chapter seemed to reinforce the strengths of the first. Thoughts and descriptions (particularly Sadie's) seem to be a real strong suit for you (which is great - I'm always struggling to include enough description).

There were again a few minor things. For example in the third paragraph and again a couple of times later in the chapter, you laid out a description or set of thoughts that sufficiently conveyed the thought or tone you were after, only to undercut it a bit by then explicitly stating said tone or thought. It's not a big deal, it just feels redundant in those moments when you state what you've already laid out so well.

I thought the dialogue was much better in this chapter (it turns out Mrs. Oddsocks is just a strange character - shocker) and it was very believable the way your portrayed Sadie as too shell-shocked and wary to really speak. I also particularly enjoyed the whole bit about the yarn and needles - well-described, showing something about Ophelia's character, and amusing. Thumbs up!

Author's Response: Thank you! It's nice to know there are some things I'm doing okay on. And you really felt the description was okay? I always feel like stuff is barren and boring when I write, but that might just be because I take so long I get sick of the chapters before I post.

Watch for redundancy in writing - check. I always check for words that I use too much, or too close to each other, but I often forget to make sure I'm not repeating ideas as well. This is a hard one to remember. I will probably forget a lot more before I start getting better at it.

Ophelia was a fun character to write. I'm almost regretting not being able to bring her back into the story. Glad you enjoyed her.

Thanks again! These reviews are great!


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