Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:TidalDragon says:
Howdy! Dropping by in response to your review request. Normally on all requests (contrary to the statement in my thread) I will try to leave feedback on each and every chapter (normally at least 1000 characters). I will endeavor to do that here, but since I have two challenge pieces that really need doing and about 125,000 words worth of reading for review requests, I can't make any promises about the length. I will absolutely give you a holistic answer to your main question though (to the best of my ability), which I will save for the review on the last chapter.

To get to the meat of this one, I think you start out very strongly with an air of mystery about who this poor girl is and some excellent descriptions. You take great care to put us in the scene and get us feeling the weight of both the setting and your MC's emotions, hopeful determination fading to disappointment, turning to fear. It was nicely done.

There were only two things that stood out to me on the flip side, one of which was relatively minor. First, in the second sentence of the third paragraph, you begin your description in the past tense and then transition to a form of the present tense (I'm not a wizard with appropriately describing verb forms, but it goes from -ed to -ing). I read it a couple of times and it just didn't flow right for me.

The other thing I noticed was the dialogue. You do an excellent job of creating a believable scene that really draws a reader in and of describing the inner thoughts of your character, but even though this was never going to be a dialogue-heavy chapter, the quality of the dialogue itself just doesn't seem to be on that same level, particularly at the end of the chapter, where the animagus's (?) dialogue seems to be too similar to the angry person at the deli.

See you in the next chapter!

Author's Response: Okay, we're gonna try this again. Maybe it will work this time.

Thank you thank you for taking the time to read and review this story. And to review each chapter! That was so kind of you and it still brings a smile to my face, thinking of these reviews popping up. And, just so you know, the length of the review doesn't matter to me. It's the thought that counts and you rock.

I'm glad you were able to see my MC emotions coming through is such a short prologue. That was something I was really trying to do.

You know, I never noticed the similarities between the two minor characters and their speaking patterns, but you are so right! AH! Dialogue is tricky for me. On the canon characters that are so familiar, I feel pretty confident, but I always struggle with minor original characters. Do my villains sound too corny or force? Do people have distinct, individual tones and voices? And apparently, the curse got me again here. Thankfully the woman at the deli will not be back, so I will just have to let that one slide and be more careful in the future.

Thanks again for reading and for the great advice! Appreciate this so much!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 383
Submit Report: