Hey again, Howhe!
So...I've forced myself to sit and focus and pried my mind open to the words that hath flowed from thy fingers. Hopefully, this review would prove more helpful than that of the previous one.
This chapter was definitely an improvement from the first chapter. It didn't seem as disjointed and flowed nicely, the pace consistent throughout.
The tone of the chapter was light and I managed to plough through the whole block of texts (which, by the way, was just the right amount in length) easily, some portions of narration offering small, inadvertent smiles.
I'm a canon fanatic, if it isn't already blatant, so having Regulus pop in for the ride was like a breath of fresh air and I had to spend his first few lines with general fangirling squees with his Whovian status and outdated modern expressions.
Ginny, I didn't seem to find anything wrong with. She's grown and I guess her maternal instincts has kicked into full-action. It would be nice to see some of her old fire shine through, but then again, this story being centered on Ellie, I understand that there wouldn't be much opportunities to squeeze that in.
Your use of descriptions was amusing and some sentence structures were brill - [My brother is a dude of few words, and many expressions.] - easily being my favourite and most vivid line.
There is one portion, however, that bothers me. [I'd have him know that I'd passed my OWLs with twelve Outstandings - not even Hermione Granger, brightest witch of her age, had managed that.] -- This line sort of just stuck out in an odd angle and reeked of 'Mary Sue-ishness' when I first went over it.Even Hermione had needed the timeturner, something Minerva went through a great deal of process to acquire, to cope with too many subjects, and Hermione was a great deal stressed in doing so, and easily a perfectionist. But then again, this isn't entirely impossible so it can be easily remedied with a decent explanation or expansion as to how she managed this, provided maybe in future chapters.
The plot is progressing nicely with a touch of mystery that gives readers curiousity and it was overall an entertaining read, I find myself looking forward to what you have planned for future chapters...which I'm to go about reading now.
Author's Response: The last review WAS helpful! That might not have been apparent because it took me so long to reply, but it was definitely helpful!
I liked writing this chapter more than the first too, so that might be why the quality of the writing improved. Or the time gap. Or because it's only in the kitchen.
I'm glad that some places made you smile! I try to be funny sometimes, and I wonder if I'm actually good at it... but smiling is good :)
Regulus is one of my favourite characters to write of all time. I'd like to include him in every single chapter in every single scene because he's just so wonderful and fun to write and because he's a Whovian and that makes anyone like instantly ten times more awesome. I'm obviously a fan girl for one of my own characters. That is not a good thing.
We'll probably get to see Ginny later on in the story, so I'm making a note about it so I remember!
Your kind words about my description make me want to cry with happiness. That is how much they mean to me. Like, seriously.
Ellie's intelligence... yeah. I don't know what to do with it, really. I want to show her as this quiet over-achiever, and I guess that's something I'll have to be careful writing in later chapters because you're right in saying that if it's done sloppily it comes off as very Mary Sue. Although, I remember reading that Percy had twelve OWLs, so I think I'll have to keep in mind how I build that part of her life.
Thanks so much for reading and taking all this time to write these wonderful reviews! I know I come off as a little weird, but I my appreciation is genuine and heartfelt! Thanks once again!