|Review:||Penelope Inkwell says:|
“Albus looked uncomfortable: he and Scorpius had actually been quite chummy during the year and a half we were together, and the pair had often spent time on their own when I wasn’t around.“
--Poor Albus. Oh, the awkwardness when we make friends with our family/friends’ significant others, only to be in really uncomfortable straits when they break up.
Louis is very observant. I like how you really built that trait in him up over several chapters, though, before just announcing it here and then adding in mentions of his observant-ness from here on out. I felt like I’ve noticed it about him before. What I’m saying is, a lot of writers use these moments as a sort of crutch to describe the key characteristics of their characters, but you didn’t. It was already there. And that’s good writing.
“But don’t you think you’d prefer to be polite, and calm and relaxed, and not let him ruin this glorious night with your beloved extended family?”
--Excellent advice, Louis darling, but why do I have a feeling that it isn’t exactly going to work out that way?
“He had opinions about the break-up which I refused to hear about: opinions that maybe Scorpius had dealt the final blow, but that we had been fighting and acting immature for months; that I wasn’t always the nicest girlfriend either. But Scorpius had lost his right to pity after what he did, and my cousins – well, at least these two cousins – were obligated to see my side and my side alone.”
--I’m assuming that he cheated? That seems the direction that this is all going. But I like that, deep down, she knows that even though what he did was worse, the problems in their relationship were a two-way street. It’s a nice change-up from the “spotless victim” coming out of a breakup.
“Part of my irritation towards Molly was that she was so bloody short: being around short people made me feel hulking and awkward.”
--Hahaha, Rose, the teller of the truths we never want to admit! I’m not even tall. Probably slightly below average height. But I know that when I’m with my tinier friends, I feel like I’m some sort of behemoth, so I can’t even imagine what it must be like to be truly tall and feel that all the time. And then, taller people make me feel 5 years old. We just can’t win--none of us, huh?
“The rest of George’s siblings had been called into the kitchen to help Nan prepare supper: apparently, she didn’t trust her fifth son around hot things or around other people’s meals. “
--Another detail that I love. Smart woman, that Molly Weasley.
-“Albus stared at my enviously. “I wish I could do that.”
-“What? Be an expert in classes you aren’t even enrolled in?”
-He scowled. “No. Raise one eyebrow at a time.”
--Hahahaha. Love this exchange. I spent years trying to learn how to raise one eyebrow because my older brother can do it so well. That’s probably the most exercised muscle in my entire body, just from all the time I spent as a child trying to get it right ;) Sigh. He’s still way better at it.
I really like Rose and Al’s dynamic. They’re snarky and sassy and it’s cute.
Yay! Quidditch! And good work with the songs. They made me smile, especially Rose’s.
Oh, poor Rose. Of course, she did handle that poorly, but I think I can understand why. I mean, if you gave me a stick and told me I could hit projectiles in the direction of an ex-boyfriend who had hurt me like that, could I resist? Probably not. In fact, my family would probably be shocked at my sudden development of athletic prowess. At least she didn’t put Scorpius in traction at St. Mungo’s right? Poor Matt, though. Welcome to the fam!
And yay! Run from your problems by escaping into the past, which is probably illegal per both the government and the laws of space and time! But it’s so romantic.
...perhaps...I should not be giving Rose this advice. But I really want her to see Richard again! A little bending of the laws of space and time never hurt anyone. Or, at least, it was never proven to.
Oh, poor Richard, too. He’s been through such awful things. It’s nice to see his devotion to the king (his cousin, right?). But his brother sounds like he could be a bit of a problem. My War of the Roses knowledge is a little bit rusty, and I don’t want to go and look it up, because spoilers. Really, really old spoilers!
Woah, how did Rose met that old woman? Is she a witch, too? She’s got “strange powers” and all.
Richard! Ugh. Poor choice. You’d better be back, mister. When someone travels across hundreds of years to pay you a visit, you owe them some courtesy, sir!
Well, I suppose he has just been on a rather long journey. I get tired when I travel, too, and I don’t usually do it by horse. So there’s that. Still, I’m hoping to get a bit more Richard-Rose togetherness time in the next chapter!
“At the mention of self-esteem I saw Al take a little step back as if it was too much for him to handle.”
--Not sure I totally get this statement? It’s not, like, tampons. Why is a self-esteem discussion something that makes Al want to scurry?
“But I was first accosted by Auntie Angelina, who was lovely at the worst of times and wanted to hear all about my job and how I was getting on with Hazlehurst, who she said she’d known at school with an amused grin on her face. “
--You might consider rearranging this sentence and not putting the “with an amused grin on her face” at the tail end, just because it kind of makes the sentence’s meaning murkier. Does that make sense? It’s not like it’s unclear what it means, but I did have to read it twice. However, once again, we’re getting into super picky territory. I’m always in super picky territory with your stories, because they’re so well-written.
Another excellent chapter. SO excited to see what awaits these two! I must gain this knowledge, posthaste! Love it love it love it!
Author's Response: Hi again! :)
Ah, I know! Especially since they were in the same year, I imagined things would get quite awkward. And also, while Rose villian-izes (no idea if that's actually a word, oh well :P) Scorpius, he's definitely not the only one at fault here, and Albus is sort of aware of that.
Thank you! :) I'm so glad you noticed that, and it's certainly a trait that Louis and Rose share. I imagine Louis as being usually rather perceptive as well, though he didn't really catch on to what was going on between Rose and Archie. And haha, despite this it doesn't mean Rose will take his advice of course. :P
Yes! Even though Rose acts like Scorpius is the bad guy, so to speak, she's not entirely innocent either. It gets revealed a little more in future chapters, but I did try to put in more hints about how Rose wasn't always the nicest to Scorpius either. My philosophy on this is that people like them don't do bad things completely out of the blue.
None of us can win! :P That was a little insensitive of Rose to say, but it's the kind of thing she would worry about and that I think a lot of us tall-ish folk have to think about. But yes, being short would have its effects as well!
Haha, I imagine that George as an adult wouldn't be too different from George as a young man. :P
Haha! I totally agree, I wish I could raise one eyebrow flawlessly. It's a wicked skill. I can sort of do it if I concentrate really hard, but I agree, it's the sort of thing which is very enviable.
I'm glad you like Al and Rose! I imagine them being best friends from the cradle and having an almost brother-sister relationship as well as being best friends. The Quidditch songs were so fun to write - I wasn't sure if they really fit the chapter but honestly couldn't resist. I will never forgive that they weren't in the movies - though there might have been a deleted scene, hmm.
I agree! And the bad thing about being a Beater is that you're supposed to be hitting Bludgers at the other team, so she can get away with it for a little while. And hahaha, the Matt moment sort of made me cringe to be honest. The poor guy - he's actually pretty nice!
Hehe, well I needed to get her back into the past somehow, and it's the sort of impulsive decision she makes when she's annoyed and upset and not really thinking. :) I'm glad you're rooting for her to get there, despite it being illegal! And well... it's only the beginning, so if there are consequences, Rose won't realize them for a long time.
Can I just say I love how you don't want to look up history because history is spoilers? :P Hehe. I'll just explain that part quickly in case you didn't look it up though - he has two brothers, his eldest one is the current king and the one he seems to rather worship. :) His other brother is also older but is a bit of a troublemaker. :)
I agree, traveling from London on horseback would be exhausting! To be fair, he does have to do that all the time so he really shouldn't be complaining that much. Right now he's sort of being a jerk and assuming that she's a peasant and he doesn't need to waste time on her - people were just lovely back in those days! But he might come around, we'll see. :P
Thanks so much for pointing those out, I've just gone and clarified/fixed them.:)
Thanks so much for the lovely reviews, darling! :) I really appreciate each of them and you're always so thoughtful and detailed. Thank you! ♥