|Review:||Penelope Inkwell says:|
"Floo powder used to travel to other locations was quite pricey and Mum insisted we only use it in emergencies, grumbling about inflation and unnecessary spending. ď
--Youíve really thought through a lot of details of wizarding government and economics, havenít you? Iíve never really thought about the price of Floo powder, though it does make sense that it would be pricey. Then again, these people donít have to pay for gasoline. Donít come crying to me, wizards with your easy, emission-free transportation. But there was a bit about housing stuff in the last chapter. How did you become interested in thinking out all those details? How fascinating.
Glad to hear that Dudleyís children apparently turned out alright!
How very sad about Mr. Weasley. Iíve a good bit of experience with dementia, and itís really one of the worst challenges that can face a family. It makes me sad to think of him that way, but I do like how very real youíve made this family. They face the same sort of problems that we all do. Magic doesnít always mean a quick fix, and that helps Rose to be more of a sympathetic character. Sure, there are wonders in her life, but sheís also a pretty normal girl.
"Dominique was a wild-card: nobody knew when she would show up and with which beard-sporting, guitar-case carrying boyfriend in tow with odd names like Sven and Jangles and Steak. Yes, ďSteak.Ē
--Oh my gosh, dying. These details--these are the ones that kill me! Now that I think on it, itís a miracle that no one in my family married someone named along those same lines. Iím pretty sure some of them came close.
ďOh, lau it,Ē
--Havenít heard that one. Where does that come from?
LOVE the little details in this, like Nearly Headless Nick lying for Roseís sake (that seems very him), and that Hagridís next dog was named Molar (please tell me his litter included a ďCanine" and ďIncisorĒ?) And IS HE CHEWING ON THE TRANSFIGURED BODY OF BARTY CROUCH SR.?!
Scorpius, you do NOT crash your ex-girlfriendís family party at her familyís house. It just isnít done. Isnít there some sort of wizarding Emily Post to warn you off of these situations? You should know better.
I donít have anything specific, like misspellings or words in the wrong place. If I had to give something, it would be that this chapter is a little bit slow. Thereís a lot of background information, much of which is necessary, and I liked learning what the family was up to. But, just for pacing, it might be worth considering to cut out a short anecdote or two. Maybe cutting down the Malfoys background section, for instance? This whole critique is getting quite picky, of course, because the chapter is well-written. But if you WANT to be really picky, that would be my best suggestion to improve this chapter.
It was fun to hear all the background, though. Perhaps instead of cutting things, a few little descriptions/anecdotes could just be moved to different parts of the story, instead of having a whole chapter that is basically devoted to exposition.
Once again, itís a good chapter. This is just the whole, ďIf I had to find one thing to polish, this would be it,Ē sort of thing. I had a lot of fun reading it, and Iím really impressed with how much detail youíve given the backstory here. Youíve really thought through everyone in the family, which is, like, super impressive, because there are 10 million and 2 people in the Weasley family. Your ability to keep all that straight and introduce it in an organized fashion is impressive :D
Looking forward to Rose time traveling soon, since Richard is going to have a strange visitor!
Author's Response: Hello! :) Ah, sorry for taking so long in replying to your amazing review - life has been crazy. :(
I'm so happy that you noticed that and liked it! In scenes like this I end up venting my concerns about how easy it is to be a wizard with transportation and possibly not having to pay Muggle taxes and things, so I try to make it as difficult for them as possible. :P If Floo powder was that easy and cheap, then why would they even bother using a car ever, so it makes sense to give some disadvantages to it and Apparition. And yeah, they don't have to deal with petrol, that is so true!
Aw, yeah! I'd love to read/write a story about how the next generation of Dursleys turned out sometime.
I'm pleased you found Arthur's dementia something which felt realistic in the family. I have experience with it on both sides of my family and it really affects so many people, and I think it adds a more serious dimension into the family. Rose is quite normal, and I'm glad you think so!
Hahaha, after writing this I decided I love Dominique and Steak so much that they leaked into my Louis-centered story as well! :P Which isn't otherwise connected... ah well.
When I lived in England a few years ago they would say "lau it" as sort of meaning "oh, forget it" or "nevermind." I'm not sure if they say it in other regions but I thought it was a good way of expressing themselves - sometimes I'll throw it into conversation here in Canada, but the Canadians are just confused.
Yes, Nick was quite fond of Rose... :). And Molar! Hahah, those are excellent names for adorable little boarhound puppies. Now I can't stop thinking of weird dog names to do with teeth. And ew about the Barty's bone thing, well... presumably it might still be there... :P
Scorpius... yeah, occasional recklessness is something he shares with Rose. :P
That's such a good point about these chapters, I definitely got a bit carried away with the background. Description and context is my Achilles heel. :P Hmm, it might be a bit late for this chapter but I'll see what I can do, and keep that in mind. I know that Chapter 21 has a big chunk of backstory, but it's sort of relevant, but I'll see what I can do. :) Thanks so much for pointing that out!
Thank you for the awesome review! :D