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Review:MargaretLane says:
I love the "primary sources" you include in this story.

The sentence "do not repeat that to your father and uncle, as employees, they might be forced to bring me in" would probably be better if divided up into two sentences: "do not repeat that to your father and uncle. As employees they might be forced to bring me in" or separated with a semi-colon rather than a comma.

Hmm, I think Bode, or maybe the Gaunts is in some way involved with the sea serpent turning on a child like that, but how, I can't begin to imagine.

Oh gosh, the ring. I wonder is that the ring of the Gaunts and if so, why he has it.

Peakes is a Parseltongue? Or Gaunt? The mention of Salazar having been so makes me think that could explain a certain amount. I SHOULD have thought of that when the sea serpent first started behaving oddly, I guess, though I didn't really think of a sea serpent as a snake. Oh THE CHILD may be a parseltongue.

You have a sentence, "perhaps Gaunt had lost aot Peakes while gambling." I'm guessing the "aot" should be "to".

I also like the story of the children's parents that you have inserted into this. So sad and the epilogue is absolutely brilliant and emotive.

Author's Response: Hello again!

I'm glad you liked the background and the sources! I really enjoyed writing the song, and was actually humming it to myself the other day which was a bit of a strange experience. :P The texts were also interesting to include and contrast with Flamel's memory of history.

Thanks for pointing out the typos, I've gone through and fixed them! :)

Yes! The mystery was sort of all pieced together in this chapter, and I hope you liked it. It was all very sneaky and I debated whether I should explain it in Flamel's words or leave it open-ended. Ah, I know what you mean - I imagine the sea serpent being a bit like a huge, salt-water basilisk, but that is more passive and interested in fish than in people. It was quite fun for me placing all the little clues throughout!

I found it so sad as well, but I suppose it had to show that although the sea serpent story was tragic and corrupt, it was the past and is only really a story to distract from the present tough situation. I'm really pleased you liked the epilogue - I debated putting it in but felt it was right to tie up the loose ends and move away from Flamel's voice and give somebody else's opinion of him.

Thanks you so much for the very thoughtful review, and for the challenge! :) This was such a great idea and I really enjoyed writing for it.


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