Okay, first off, I really, really liked that saying you put at the beginning, that Ana's mother used to tell her as a little girl. It's so cool! And who doesn't need a reminder once in a while that good still exists in the world. Ana certainly needs that reminder right now in this story.
And I'm glad Ana finally took a moment to mourn her family, even if it was just barely a moment. She's got so much on her mind, and under so much stress, she doesn't even get to mourn them properly. That makes me really sad.
I love how it's Ana who insists on the rules. But you know what I noticed this time around I find interesting? Whether he knows it or not, Draco is already being drawn to her. Because he never gives in to people trying to tell him what to do, but here he gave up without a fight. Oh, he thought he was winning because he added a condition of his own, but really, Ana won that round. *Gives Ana a gold star*
The coffee part of this was still really fun. She just had to make him a cup, even though she couldn't explain why. Loved it.
Now the storm. I love storms, but I know a lot of people who don't. Giving Ana this trait humanized her (which is going to contradict with what I say about her in a minute, but just go with the flow, k?) She does have weaknesses, and it showed that she might be tough but she's got some softer parts.
And that darker spot in the corner? Just as freaky the second time around, and I STILL don't know what it is, just that it can't be good.
Now, back to Ana. I've noticed something else as I've read this again - there is this feral, instinctual side to Ana, isn't there. She's human, and a girl, with feelings and such - but there's also a hardness to her that I don't think I noticed the first time around. I think it's bold of you to write such a character, because you run the risk of people not wanting to see that side of someone. But, it really does make Ana who she is.
Keep up the good work! (See, and now you are gonna have NO ground to stand on when you tell me you can't write, because I have proof to the contrary!)
Blackout Battle round 3 Review 4/20
Author's Response: Ana gladly accepts your gold star, and nudges Draco smugly. Draco rolls his eyes and sneers at her. :)
Yes! OMG you haven't read on, so you'll understand why she's all feral and instinctual. But yeah, there is a weakness I gave her and that story will be covered later.
Stop it you're making me blush! :) Thank you for reviewing!