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Review:PolyJuice_ says:
Blackout Battle~ 15/20

Ooh, I liked this story! I can't wait to see where you're going with this. I loved her relationships with everyone around her, her friends and her boyfriend. It's interesting to see that she doesn't like to swear, and she's the last one to lose her v card.

It'll be interesting to see what happens on this date of hers. I can't see it going too well - these things never do, haha.

I'd suggest using the word said more, and other adjectives less. Using "I cried" "I mumbled" "I whined" every sentence distracts. If you use said your brain glosses over the word said and gets to the juicy parts of the sentence. If you use other words too much it distracts from the meat of the sentence and takes the focus off the important.

Anyway, it was a good first chapter though and I really enjoyed the dynamics of your characters.


Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review! It's funny, I've never really thought about the said vs. other adjectives thing, because I feel like people always complain about said being overused. But I totally see where you're coming from!

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