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Review:TheGirlOnFire says:

this is for the blackout bingo ;)

So I've got a few bits of constructive criticism. There is some grammar mistakes in this chapter, not many and mostly it's centred around the dialogue which is easily fixable. The next thing would be that if someone went through something that traumatic they wouldn't be able to tell people the'd only just met all about it. And it's also very unlikely that they'd tell them all about their past and family. That's not to say it isn't possible, just very unlikely. There is some potential in this story; it isn't as great as it could be. With a few modifications it could be better. Maybe read over it and edit it, nothing is ever perfect the first time round.


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