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Review:Lululuna says:
Hello! :)

I'm so intrigued by this! First of all, I love the world you've created for the mystery, and the unique perspective. I am already very curious about Tobias and why somebody might want to kill him, as well as the fact that he was a Wizemgamot member. You did an excellent job of characterizing him as this slightly resigned but seemingly well-meaning old man. I liked the little details about him - like how he was wearing wizarding clothing and worried about what the Muggles might think, and how he's a little self-conscious about his wrinkles. I was actually quite sad about his fate as I liked what we'd seen so far!

I love the idea of wizards reforming the system for equality after the war, and how this might anger some purebloods. You did a good job of explaining it and how the institutions might work. The inclusion of the goblins and the other bureaucratic groups involved were very detailed, which I appreciated.

You wrote the death scene really well. It was suspenseful, and tense, and quite heartbreaking in how Tobias pleaded for his life. I wonder if this was about the new negotiations and Tobias' place in the Wizemgamot - he didn't seem to be very radical, but it's difficult to tell the motive at this point. One thing I'm wondering is if the person might try to impersonate with him with Polyjuice potion, or is making a threatening example of Tobias to the other members of the court.

I'm very intruiged, and will keep an eye out for the next chapter! This was a great beginning, and I really like your writing style and situaiton so far! :)

Gry/Sly Battle Round 2 - Review 6 of 15

Author's Response: Thanks for the detailed and thoughtful review! Actually publishing stuff is a new experience for me so feedback is great to get.

This is a new genre for me to write too, so it's very nice to hear that you thought the death scene was believable. I spent probably the most time writing that because I figured, what's a murder mystery without a decent death scene? So I'm glad it seems to be panning out.

I'm also glad you liked Tobias and the sort of policy-background stuff. I tried to walk a fine line between setting him up as a character and addressing the back-story while still handling the murder scene, but if you liked him and are intrigued by the background idea, more about those things will definitely be revealed as the story goes on.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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