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Review:nott theodore says:
Hi there! It's been a while since I really read any next generation and I haven't seen many stories that are narrated in first person from Albus's point of view - it's normally from an OC in a story involving him - so this was a refreshing change to read it from this perspective. A story about Christmas and the Potters is always appreciated too!

I think you did a really good job with the dialogue in this story, since it find it can be hard to manage so many different characters and still manage to make it seem natural, but it flowed well here and I enjoyed reading it. It definitely seemed believable and I could imagine people I know having this conversation. Another thing you did well was the first person narration, since it didn't feel repetitive like it often can do.

When Scorpius turned up I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, but I think that the way you wrote it was great. There was some tension there that you built up well before ending it happily, luckily, since it is set at Christmas! I felt really sorry for him since he shouldn't be harmed for something like coming out to his parents, but I think you did a good job of making the relationship between Scorpius and Albus believable and realistic, as well as the reactions to it.

One thing I would say is just to check over quickly for typos and editing, for example you call him Scorpious instead of Scorpius, but overall this was a well written and enjoyable one shot and I think you did a great job on it!

Sian :)

Gryffindor/Slytherin Battle 3/5

Author's Response: Thank you so so much for leaving me such a lovely review! I'm glad that you thought it read well, there are some awkward parts to it, but I really worked to try to make it flow. And I adore the Potters, so I'm glad that the conversations seemed natural.

Also thank you so much for pointing out that really obvious spelling error, I'm horrible when it comes to spelling but the fact that I didn't realize something that obvious is a little embarrassing so I've already made sure I patched that up, and will be looking over the rest of the spelling and grammar soon!


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