|Review:||Penelope Inkwell says:|
I’m back! It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, but I’m glad to get back to reading this story! I’m really interested in where it’s going to go :D
"For all she cared, they could be playing nude wizard’s chess for chocolate frogs and she still wouldn’t give a damn.”
--Haha, nice to see a bit of Ana’s (may I call her Ana?) humor.
You paint the room quite clearly. I really feel like I have a good sense of it.
She can do magic without a wand? Awesome! How does that work?!
"'Better feed the beast, Synder,' Draco warned, taking a bite of his sandwich, 'before it breaks loose and eats us all alive.’”
--I just liked this little bit of banter here at the beginning of their relationship. It was funny and cute.
"He was nothing more than a pawn on her chess board, a tool for protection, until she was ready to make her next move.”
--I think this really tells us a lot about Ana’s personality, and her past, in some ways. She’s definitely not used to trusting anyone outside her circle, is she? I like that she’s smart and focused and not allowing herself to be a damsel in distress. And she sounds like she might be a rather good match for a certain formerly-ruthless and rather devious Slytherin we know...
Ugh, I am really not a fan of Gawain. Not ideal boss material at all.
And here we have Astoria! Interesting...don’t quite know what to make of her, yet.
"She just wanted some time to herself knowing that it would be a very long time until she would be alone again.”
--This sentence is a bit confusing. Maybe, “She just wanted some time to herself. Unfortunately, it seemed unlikely that she would get it anytime soon.”
"then you will be dropped off to Azkaban.”
--"dropped off" doesn’t sound very harsh, considering that they’re threatening to take her to wizarding prison. Maybe, “you will be immediately removed to Azkaban,” or, less formally “will earn you a one-way ticket to Azkaban."
So, in the shower scene, she’s never taken a shower, but she knows the word for a showerhead? How does she know? Has she just heard of them? Because if she’s never experienced it before, it might be more fun to just see her toy around with the strange object and try to get it to work (not that she’d have no idea, but I’ve definitely traveled to places where I couldn’t work the showers, and I’ve taken many).
Really enjoying this chapter. Can’t wait to see how this whole baby-sitting system works out!
Author's Response: Hello! I'm surprised to see you back here! Was this requested? Haha, I don't remember :P
Thanks for your CC. I've been needing a fresh pair of eyes on the new edits I made.
Yeah, she knows the word for a showerhead. I guess I should have included the tidbit in my mind that I was thinking of while writing this, where her brother describes it to her. (He got to travel more often than she did.)
Thanks again for your help :)