|Review:||Penelope Inkwell says:|
One thing that does confuse me--is the grandfather more than 300 years old? Because I know wizards can have a long life, but do they really last that long?
--Oh, I just figured it out! This is NIcholas Flamel, isn’t it? Nellie is Perenelle! How clever of you! I really couldn’t fathom how he was so old. You might have noticed how I am about trying to figure out all the little details, so it was just churning around in the back of my mind, driving me crazy, until you mentioned his “nightly dosage” of his “special cordial”. What an idea! You always find the most interesting perspectives for your short-stories and one-shots, and yet I never saw it coming till that moment. :D
Your beginning is beautiful, as they all are. Oy, I do not have any idea how you do it. And the folk song set the stage gorgeously.
“This is why the sea serpent was such a problem.”
--just one of those one-liners that makes you choke on your tea. Understatement, you have it to an art.
I just love the sort of salty tone you’ve added to this tale. Something about your descriptions, I guess. It just fits.
I like that you’ve sort of inverted the way I’d assume the story would be told. Peakes appears to be the monster. And while I’d certainly be interested in your typical David-and-Goliath, man vs. monster tale, this take on it is all the more intriguing. You are just so clever!
Besides which, I’ve been interested in the Sea Serpent of Cromer story for a while. It’s one of those gems I had noticed on the HP wiki, so when I realized that that’s what your story was about, I was so excited!
"I will describe it to you – it had a head like a dragon, but with slippery, soft scales, as you would find on a fish. It had large, intelligent eyes, and very sharp teeth. Its body was long and fluid, and had small fins which protruded and allowed it to swim very quickly.”
--This is a wonderful description. It might flow a bit better, however, if all three sentences didn’t begin with “it” or “its” (Super nitpicky, I know, but your stories are always so good that nitpicking is most of what’s left to do when it comes to CC).
When the narrator describes looking out the inn’s window and seeing “him”--whoever’s leg is too short--is that the boy or the hunter? I’m guessing the boy, but I’m unsure.
--okay, further along, I’ve realized that it was Peakes, but that was momentarily confusing.
Then just some spelling things:
"Something I have often thought about our family was now very dearly we commit ourselves to those we love,”
--“now” = how
twisting the large, black rich
--“Boyne” = Bode
You’ve done a lovely job, just as you always do. You create such a vibrant world, even for short stories! It’s incredible.
Author's Response: Hello! :)
Hehe, I love how you figured it out! :) There was no place where it felt "right" to outrightly state he was Flamel in this chapter, but I'm really happy that clue was what gave it away. I've really enjoyed hearing reviewers' reactions when they realized!
I'm glad you liked the beginning! The song was so fun to write, it's become a bit of a habit for me to begin historical stories with a song to get into the mindset.
Haha, such an understatement! Glad you liked it! :) I also really like the "salty" quality you described - it's odd, but I know what you mean. This story was a very new perspective and voice for me to write in but it was still very fun.
Thank you, I'm happy you like the perspective! :) It sort of turned out this way, and I enjoyed imagining the mystery surrounding the sea serpent and the actions in Cromer. It's really cool that you noticed it on the Lexicon as well - I looked on hpff and couldn't find any stories about it, but there are so many little gems on the lexicon which I wish there were more stories about!
Can I just hire you to nitpick all my stories? :P Thank you, you're so helpful and I've just gone through and corrected all of that. I'm the laziest editor ever when it comes to my own work, so I love review that take the time to go through and point out the typos! :) (and I often have some pretty odd typos...)
Thank you for the lovely review, I'm so glad you liked this chapter! :D I really appreciate hearing all your thoughts. ♥