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Review:anissamalfoy says:
Hi, I'm here with your requested review :) Firstly, I'm so sorry it took me so long cause I've been really sick. I hope you're okay with that.

Anyways, I recall that you were concern about the general flow. I'd have to agree with that as I found some of your sentences are confusing to read. Like this:

Ozymandias Stroulger had stood in that field, under that magical umbrella, on that day, and despite the weather Oz had been in an exceptionally good mood.

Oz was a wizarding archaeologist, a post-grad, working for the esteemed Professor of Archaeology, Dr. Gulliver Goshawk, at the London Wizardry & Witchcraft University (LWWU).

and this:

He could technically have appeared before them instantly, the Ylve can appear wherever they want, they are not constrained in the same way magical Men are, but it was considered politeness to approach the King on ones own two feet.

There's just something off with that. I think you can smooth them by breaking them into two sentences like this:

"He could technically have appeared before them instantly because the Ylve can appear wherever they want and not constrained in the same way magical Men are. However, it was considered politeness to approach the King on ones own two feet."

Something like that :)

As for Thrandl, I can't say much about his character as it's still second chapter, but I think his character is believable. He's fierce and hot-tempered, whereas his father is calm and collected, which is interesting.

Killing children is an unforgivable act for me so it makes sense if the war started based on that.

I really like your story so far! It's unique from what I've read. And your description, oh wow they're just amazing! I don't think I could give good descriptions like that.

Really great job so far! Once again, sorry for the lateness and feel free to re-request :D

Author's Response: Thank you very much for reviewing, no worries and sorry for being slow with responding (Uni work load suddenly increased dramatically).
Thank you for your advice with helping the flow and thank you for all your comments :) I will go through my chapters asap and try to improve them.


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