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Review:Lululuna says:
Hello! :) A zillion years ago (well, around a month really) you requested a review from me, and I'm so sorry for taking this long to get to your very intriguing story! :(

I really like your writing style here, first of all. It fits very well with the period and does a good job of conveying the anxiety and chaos of the moment. I felt like the scene was so vivid: the bodies littering the ground, the stench of death, the woman's fear as she was captured. I really liked this line:

Garbed in skins and leather, they looked more beasts than men. It was a really cool way to describe the men and create an image of the horror of battle.

Aw, I like it, but am still sad how you introduced us to the woman at the beginning but then killed her. It was a very strong way to begin the story and set the tone, however, and I felt it did invoke a sense of curiosity and pathos in the village and the woman whom the character at the beginning was covering for. The scene of her death, which approached without her knowing, was so quick and tragic as well.

I'm very curious about the Saxon king. He seems a very intruiging and darkly frightening character, who is both weak yet wields a sense of authority. I found it especially interesting how he resents beauty, and kills this woman without sparing her a merciful thought, yet feels jealous at the idea that the woman who had a baby might have been with another man. Gah, I'm really curious about him and how he might be involved in the story of the Founders. The younger man, who seems to be some sort of sorcerer, was interesting as well, and I'm curious to see his powers tie into the magical HP world.

Oh wow, the second woman, Godric's mother, is just amazing. Her courage and her determination to prolong her life for the sake of saving her child is really incredible, but also believable in a way. I love how this chapter raises so many questions, but also gives enough tantalizing hints and answers to make the reader feel comfortable with the story and want to read on.

One little thing I noticed (just to make this review a little more useful instead of just amazed gushing at your beautiful writing :P):Torn at the edges and rugged, it was already a frozen ice. Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but this sentence felt like it was missing something. "...frozen like ice," maybe? "...frozen as ice" ?

Oh and also, to be super nitpicky: Robbed off the imaginary fire... I think this should be "of" not "off." Again I am a little tired at the moment so this might be wrong. :)

the young woman was covered in a crimson snowy cape, darkened thus by the blood of her own womb. Minor thing but I'm not sure this sentence needs the "thus" which I think usually means something like "therefore." I LOVED the sentence, it was beautiful however. Also the phrase "crimson snowy cape" confused me a little and I had to go back and re-read it and figure out that the cape was made of snow. That might just be my slowness but maybe "cape of crimson snow..." or "crimson cape of snow" would be clearer? Up to you though, I'm just trying to be helpful instead of gushing. :P

The last lines of both sections were absolutely chilling. This is such an original take on the Founders era and I'm really curious to see what you do with it. I really liked this and regardless of whether you re-request I'm sure I'll be back at some point. Great job! :D

Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much! I will definitely look over the things you pointed out, they must have escaped me while writing (and re-reading). I am so happy you thought this was good, I am always glad to hear a reader likes what I have written.

I'm glad you commented on the Saxon King. Although he is not going to show up for a while, I have spent a lot of time figuring him out, and reading what you thought of him really makes me think like I've done him justice :)

The same applies for the man the shadows, which you rightfully guessed is a wizard. It is really fun to read comments about him, because I would like to think I've made him an intriguing character, and see how readers respond to those few sentences about him :)

Again, thanks for the amazing review, and I will be sure to re-request :D


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