Hey PIC! I finally got a chance to read through your entire entry and am blown away. Your story was so great last night/this morning when you sent it to me, but somehow, this is even better! Gah! You are so immensely talented. I don't even know what to say...
I can only imagine that phrases such as "more like a particularly flamboyant unicorn's happy place" and "looked like a deformed candy cane vomiting a rotten banana peel" came from your sleep deprivation, in which case, you might want to consider writing while sleep deprived more often, because they're HILARIOUS!
The way your language flows is just beautiful. You use a lot of the same words to describe the snow globe as I do (as it's the same snow globe, doing the same thing) but somehow your description is so much better than mine! Grrr...I'd be jealous if I didn't like you so much. ;)
(I need to stop just quoting your story, back to you, but I can't do it) One of my very favorite parts is when Lily is watching the snow globe, and James is watching her.
"And while her eyes stay trained on the details of the globe, James couldn't help but to watch her instead, captivated by the way her eyes lit up with renewed wonder at each change. And for that one single moment, he felt he hadn't completely ruined everything."
It's just so sweet and heartfelt, and you can really feel how much James cares about Lily and wants to make her happy. It's perfect. Plus, it's about one of the only good things that happens for James...even if it's short lived.
I love the way you describe James falling. It's so cosmic and karmic and as if the entire universe is plotting against him. Poor, poor, James.
But honestly, my favorite line in the entire story is "It's fine. Get me muddy." It's so simple, but it just says so much about Lily and how she feels about James. At least to me.
The ending is, of course, sheer perfection. I love how you talked about James reflecting back. So beautiful.
I'm really glad that you wrote this chapter. Even though it's the funny, comedy of errors chapter, it's also the one with more substance and character development. I think you balance all of that like a champ, and far better than I would have managed (especially with such a strict timeline). You have such a handle on Lily and James as characters, and I don't think I could have done them nearly this amount of justice.
It was such a joy to work on this with you. (huh) ;)
Author's Response: PIC!!! *squee* Wow, what a review! Where to even begin?
Yay! I'm glad I got that 90 minutes of editing time after I sent the rough draft to you; I think all those little adjustments made one big difference and I'm glad you agree! :-D
HA! Yep. That's exactly where they came from. Sleep-deprivation equals ridiculously goofy lines of utter nonsense. I'm glad they made you laugh. ;)
*blush* Dawww, you're too good to me, PIC. Thank you, I'm really thrilled to hear that it flowed so well because you know how I jumped from scene to scene in the most sporadic of orders... Easily could have been a disastrous, choppy mess! LOL And girl, pffft! Your story is beautiful, and the snowglobe scene is gorgeous - don't even. :-p *hugs*
Awww, yeah, James is such a sweetie there, huh? I had to give him at least a small moment in which he wasn't being tortured by his very evil author, didn't I? hehehe I'm glad it stood out to you; I really didn't want to overdue the James being mushy about his love for Lily, since yours gets to cover so much of that side of him, but I needed to let a little in and I'm happy to hear it worked out (short-lived as it is, indeed)!
Muahahaha! I blame that Murphy guy. Clearly he's got some sort of vendetta against, well, most people - but James in particular! Thank you. ^.^
Ah, yay! I'm so happy that was your favorite! To tell you the truth, it almost didn't make the cut when I was editing the story to bring it under 2500 words. I kept thinking that it would be one of the easier places to lose some words, but I really liked the dialogue there as well! I'm glad it was worth all of my panicked indecision to keep it in! :-D
*squee* Thank you! The ending was my favorite part, I think - I'm glad people have been enthusiastic about it as well!
Gosh, you really are just far too kind. I was honestly worried about exactly that - balancing the comedy with the substance - so it's just a huge relief to hear I didn't just royally mess it up! Although I'm certain you'd have written this chapter absolutely fantastically if we'd switched places! No doubt at all. :)
Working with you was a truly wonderful experience for me as well. I'm so glad we were paired together. And I know I already PM'd you about my manic fits of laughter at the (huh) reference, but allow me to repeat myself: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh boy, I can't. I can't even. It's too funny. *dies*
You're the best! Thank you for this insanely amazing review! I'll see you over at yours soon enough! *hugs*