Hi, there! I saw your post in the "new story" thread and I couldn't resist.
I thought this story was a masterpiece of how sometimes, even when Murphy's Law is kicking your butt all over the place, things can still end up just fine. I doubt I could even list all of the misfortunes that befall poor James in this story without re-reading it, yet Lily seems to find something meaningful in the way that he soldiers on through all the adversity. Far and away the best line of the whole story summed it up nicely:
"With each and every occurrence, he would relive the disastrous date and try (unsuccessfully) to place his finger on the moment when pathetic had turned to charming; when pity had turned to affection."
For me, I thought that moment happened earlier rather than later. I don't think Lily just agreed to go on a date with James for no reason. He probably didn't need to try nearly as hard as he did. But it seems like the fact that he tried so hard make a big impression on her. Which makes sense, considering the fact that she'd spent 6+ years watching him act like an incorrigible goof-off who was incapable of taking anything other than Quidditch seriously.
Other little things I liked: I loved Remus as "the voice of reason" inside James's head, in both good ways (good things come...) and less good ways (the buttered toast thing). I loved the way that he focuses way too much on not running his hand through his hair. I loved the way you made the whole Madam Puddifoot's Experience sound every bit as horrible as I've always imagined it to be. I loved the idea of the four-season globe; that was just a perfect gift for someone like Lily. I love that she wins all of the arguments. And I love that she was the one to kiss him first. If his bravado wasn't completely stripped away by that point in the story, that moment removed the last bits of it. An awesome way to end the story!
I couldn't find a thing wrong with it in terms of typos, grammar or spelling. It was a quick, smooth read and everything flowed beautifully. Great job!
Author's Response: Well then, I am very happy I remembered to post there! haha Hi Dan! ^.^
Oh boy, this review... I just... wow. Thank you. I mean... masterpiece? How can I even respond to that? haha I'm honestly just thrilled that you enjoyed it so much! As far as torturing James goes... hehehe Yeah, I had a lot of fun with that. Murphy's Law certainly was unkind to the poor guy, and that list of misfortunes is a long one. Poor thing. :-p
I adore that you brought that line to attention, as it was one of my favorites, as well; not to mention only the second thing I wrote for the story! In a way, everything that prefaced that moment was based off the idea behind it.
You're so spot on with this; I couldn't agree more. When I was writing this, I already had it in my head that for Lily to have agreed to the date at all, she must have already lost the battle that was resisting James Potter. It's really just too bad that dear old Prongs couldn't see it for himself, huh? hehehe And I completely agree: I think James is of the impression that he's got a lot to make up for... :-p
Yay for little details! I couldn't resist adding a touch of Remus; he's just my favorite character ever. Glad it worked for you! The hair thing I couldn't help either! hahaha I really wanted to give him some kind of internal struggle that could surface a few times throughout the story, and the hair thing just seemed fitting. :-p Omg, Madame Puddifoot's. Poor, misinformed soul. I love the 'snow' globe idea as well (which was a combined effort between myself and my Speed Dating partner, Singularity). We had a bit of trouble originally coming up with the right gift for Lily and were so excited when we worked this idea out! Ahaha Of course she wins. She's a firecracker, that one. And her kissing James really was only fitting, given his thoroughly defeated state at that point. I like to think the kiss won me back at least a few points with him... I did sort of put him through a lot before that point... ;)
Jeez, Dan, what else could I possibly say? This review has me grinning from ear to ear with a combination of total relief and absolute elation! It was so wonderful of you to have taken the time to leave such a beautiful comment; I simply couldn't be more grateful. Thank you again, a million times over.