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Review:shez says:
Hey there!

I wasn't particularly in the mood for romance stories but I read this because I have a special weakness for canon character-studies haha. So I think this is a very effective opening chapter--essentially you went through and lent light on Ginny's childhood infatuation with Harry and how it fluctuates with everything he faces--and reaches to the point where it becomes mutual and they get married. It's canon told from Ginny's perspective, basically, and very well done. I know this story is about miscarriage and that's going to be a very tough and touchy subject, and I can see that you intend to write from personal experience. I think that's very brave of you :)

One thing that was a bit distracting was in the technical aspect of the writing itself. You had many senteces that were run-ons and could do with commas (unless you intend it to be like that, seeing as it's Ginny's thoughts--in which case, feel free to ignore the following).

For example, a sentence like this:


I hated them all for it for a little while but then I realized Harry truly needed to do whatever he needed to to kill that horrible snake faced Voldemort or he would kill all of us in just a matter of a few waves of his wand or control of his puppets, the Death Eaters.

would read a little easier like this:

I hated them all for it for a little while, but then I realized the importance of Harry needing to kill that horrible snake-faced monster. Otherwise, Voldemort would kill us all with just a few waves of his wand or through one of his Death Eater puppets.

If you fix a couple comma/period issues and take out some repetitive words and phrases, I think it will improve the flow of your writing. Just fine-tune things a bit. Maybe a beta?

Very interesting Ginny story. Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hey shez,
Long time no talk!
Thanks so much for reading my story even though you didn't feel like reading romance at the moment. That means alot!:)
Thanks for the corrections too because I will take all I can get! You are awesome as always! Hope to talk to you again soon!
-Lindsey:)


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