Review swap! Hi Jenna. :)
I haven't read many after life fics, and while I have read some same-sex pairings, I haven't while they're both dead, so whoo for new things, right?
First things first, I absolutely adored the imagery in this piece. other couples, couples who could safely dance in one anotherís arms, moved across the floor with finely wrought smiles and precise, mechanical steps. Thta phrase was so beautiful, not only in the phonetic sense, but the way it paints a picture so vividly of couples moving across the floor, restrained and very proper in everything they do. The ladyís form does not cast a shadow across the crescent of bright sunlight on the floor. She turns to look back at the old witch, and for a moment her eyes take on the blue innocence of a child. That was just beautiful. I really don't know how to describe this, but your use of the language is so lovely Jenna. The narrative was written in this beautiful, almost ethereal style.
I think the visitor was written with just enough creepiness and beauty and mystery. I love how you've described her ever-changing appearance. The way you've captured the afterlife world is just amazing.
I think the 1904 scene was beautiful as well. The language, the description of everything was just so vivid and perfect. You've really made the story's setting believavble.
The relationship between Muriel and Bathilda was amazingly written. Both of them were characterised wonderfully, with the constraints on women in the time period coming into play with something s small as Bathhilda wearing a white dress to maintain her innocence and chastity, or Muriel not being able to find a decent suitor because she was alone somewhere 'in questionable company.' The way you've described all this, and yet had the two of them care for each other in a perfectly reasonable and realistic was is amazing.
Ooh, the west window is so creepy! I think that Bathilda might have to look into it during the coming chapters, and I'm scared of what might be in there and what will happen to her.
All in all, Jenna, this is an amazing story and I'm so glad I got the chance to read it. This is a fantastic entry to the challenge and a wonderful start to a story. Update soon!
Author's Response: Hi Emily! :)
Hehe, whoo for new things indeed! I was a little nervous to write all these new angles in the story but it was a lot of fun. :)
Aw, thank you! I'm so happy you liked the imagery and how the sentences reflected the meaning. You really are too lovely to me, it really means a lot to get your feedback on the writing style here. ♥ I did love writing those parts so it's lovely to get thoughts on it.
Ah, I had a really clear picture of how I wanted the visitor to come across, and it's great to know you found her creepy but also a little beautiful. It's really wonderful to know you liked the way the afterlife was written.
Thank you for saying the 1904 scene was brought to life! I'm so glad it was believable. I really enjoyed imagining what the ball would have been like for wizards.
It means a lot that you liked their relationship! I was a little worried that it wasn't enough of a focus but I enjoyed writing the dynamic between the two of them. It's great to know you thought they were in character and fit with the era, and that it felt realistic.
Bathilda will definitely have to look out there at some point! I'm glad you find it creepy, I'm actually quite excited to reveal what it is. :)
Thanks so much for the amazing review, Emily! ♥ You're such a wonderful reviewer and HPFF friend. :) I really appreciate all your comments, and the next chapter will hopefully be up soon!