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Review:MargaretLane says:
Hmm, the title of this chapter is intriguing.

And I wonder if Scorpius is telling the truth about where he was or not. Albus doesn't know him very well, after all. I think he'd be as well off to be a little wary and not take what Scorpius says at face value yet. I don't think Scorpius is a villain. His comment about his father being grateful to Harry for saving him and hating the pureblood ideology now as a result of how Voldemort treated his family makes sense and I don't think his son would turn to evil after that. But I do think he might be hiding something.

Unless of course it was really the elf you wanted to introduce in the last chapter and you just had Scorpius take off to Quidditch practice to get us wondering about that, thereby not thinking how very weird it was to have the elf randomly appear on Albus's bed for what was apparently no particular reason.

"Professor Slano's" should have capital letters for the "P" on "Professor" and the "S" on "Slano" and should also have an apostrophe before the last "s."

I'm rather amused at them taking the class and can see why the teachers would be mad. It's pretty cheeky after all.

Again though, I think you have rushed things a little. They just seem to jump from being on the pitch to being in Slano's office. It would be nice to see a bit more of the teacher's arrival, get an impression of what she's like and a little more of the conversation she has with Albus, Scorpius and Hugo before we hear they got a detention.

Hmm, I wonder what the Sapphire of Slytherin is and why everybody is so concerned about it. I know McGonagall said it was something evil, but that doesn't tell us much. I assume it'll all become clear at the end. From the summary to year two, it sounds like Albus's life might turn out to be in danger.

OK, Professor Slano is starting to creep me out now. There's something scary about that smile. That was a really good line, actually, about the nasty smile. Those three words alone created a sense of menace and also a sense of her character. A lot of writers overplay things like that (I think I do myself), when a simply phrase like that is so effective.

I like the fact Katie Bell has a brother...what? About 20 years younger than her. It's a change from all the characters related to Harry's friends being their kids. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's nice to see a variety and considering how long wizards live, I don't think it would be particularly unlikely for them to have children with large age gaps.

And interesting, like his dad, Albus makes the Quidditch team in his first year.

Author's Response: Thank you for your fabulous review and your suggestions you have made to improve my story. It is good to get a review. Yes I liked the idea that Katie Bell has a younger brother who was the captain because Katie Bell was good at Quidditch too.

Yes I think that I did rush that bit from the lesson to the office a little so I think I might make a few changes to that.

The summary for year 2 sort of gives a bit away so that's why I've said its got spoilers.

I am going to change the mistake with the capital letters and the apostrophes.

Thank you again,


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